SPICE INFUSION: “7 Days of Sex” premieres tonight.
CELEB BFFS: Amanda de Cadenet (right) brings friends like Gwyneth Paltrow on show. (
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If you’re looking to not have sex tonight, then don’t take off something sexy and climb into bed — but instead stay dressed, stay on the couch and stave off your sex drive by watching Lifetime starting at 10.
Who knew a night of TV so focused on sex could be this unsexy?
First up is the extremely creepy “7 Days of Sex,” a reality show in which couples who aren’t having sex much are forced by some unknown entity in the TV ethers to have sex for seven nights straight.
No, boys and girls, “7 Days of Sex” is no “Nine 1/2 Weeks.” In fact, after watching just one episode, I wish it didn’t even last nine and a half minutes.
The show premiering after it is “The Conversation With Amanda de Cadenet,” a talk show in which celebrity women exchange intimacies candidly and supposedly honestly with British celebrity Amanda de Cadenet.
De Cadenet and her celebrity friends tell each other about everything from their “titties” to their favorite sex positions to postpartum depression.
The episodes are broken up into small individual chats — each chat about one subject in what appears to be de Cadenet’s home.
On tonight’s show, Jane Fonda talks about marriage and finding yourself; Sarah Silverman talks about marriage and not losing yourself; Gwenyth Paltrow talks about marriage, getting lost in postpartum depression and finding yourself through spirituality; and Zoe Saldana talks about marriage and always knowing yourself.
De Cadenet, who is the BFF of series’ producer Demi Moore, confesses to losing herself, finding herself, always knowing herself and also having postpartum depression.
While the show can be quite interesting and even compelling — you will hear some very smart women say some very smart things (I loved Silverman’s comments) — there is something very wrong here.
For no reason whatsoever, when de Cadenet is talking to Fonda, she confesses to being married at 16. She says it at least twice.
The truth is de Cadenet married her first husband, John Taylor, of Duran Duran in 1991 when she was 19. So much for candid honesty among women.
Weird, yes, but I’d rather be lied to than be forced to watch the reality of real couples faking intimacy on “7 Days of Sex.” The show proves once and for all that there is no shame left in America and even seemingly normal people will humiliate themselves and their families for five seconds of fame.
Here, two couples, Chantal and Derek, and Marilyn and Galen have a crew following them around as they attempt to have sex every night even though they don’t feel like it. Awkward and so creepy it’s positively nauseating. And that’s without them ever even showing the sex.
And for that I am eternally grateful.