It always seems to come down to depends. Even the basics, including who, what, when, where and why, have contingencies.
This week, Amar’e Stoudemire has been recognized as a Grade A knucklehead for attacking a glass-enclosed inanimate object, thus missing last night’s Game 3 of the Heat-Knicks playoff series. What a macaroon.
Stoudemire’s injury can’t be classified as an accident because in a fit of frustration he, well, if you can’t control yourself, you can’t determine what happens to yourself — not to mention those who depend on your presence and those who pay ridiculous prices to observe it.
Yet, while Stoudemire’s now a fool until further notice, for years we watched Paul O’Neill, after failures at bat, attack anything and everything found in or near dugouts, especially large glass or plastic containers of thirst-quenching liquids.
Perhaps because O’Neill, as far as we know, never injured himself to the extent that he was unable to play a postseason game, he wasn’t classified as a jerk, but rather “a fiery competitor.”
So we can see how the difference between being a jerk and a fiery competitor — “a warrior” — can be as small and as fortunate/unfortunate as the hair in a hairline fracture.
Then there’s Tiger Woods. For a dozen years, as seen on TV, Woods cursed and threw clubs (and himself) around golf courses. This was ignored or excused, and even rationalized and admired as evidence of his superior determination, perfectionism and unparalleled desire to succeed.
Only this year, after Woods finished a cussing, club-kicking 40th in the Masters, did the golf media dare condemn his brattish, immature comportment as if it were a sudden and surprising development.
That led his latest swing coach, Sean Foley, to declare that it’s time the media got off Tiger’s back! As if!
In 2002, PGA pro Pat Perez, 26, the same age of Woods at the time, seemed to have the Westchester Classic won. But he three-putted 17, then hit a stinker off 18. He cussed, tossed his driver. He cooked himself, finished tied for second.
On TV, that day, Perez also was roasted. His behavior, the CBS guys scolded, was unacceptable, brattish, immature, unprofessional. Hmm.
Ten years later, it’s still who, what, when, where, why — objective questions followed by subjective answers. Like the wind, it all depends.
Big game enhances Emrick’s excellence
At 12:14, yesterday morning, my first inclination was to salute Doc Emrick’s relentlessly fresh, alert, beautifully spoken (and occasionally hollered) performance throughout the Rangers’-Capitals’ triple overtime game on NBCSN as among the finest in his career.
But then, other than that the game ran nearly five hours, what distinguished Emrick’s call from his other calls? Nothing. He was as good as he was in any blowout regular season game we’ve heard him call the last 28 years.
Speaking of nothing being something — as in special — during the first action-loaded but scoreless first period, Emrick sent it to commercials with, “Midway, first period. From Washington. Nothing.” Yet, the way he spoke “nothing” clearly pointed to nothing as the sum of plenty. It was brilliant.
Emrick the moment the second OT ended: “More nutrition, more towels, more ice bags, more rest — and that’s just us!”
And then, signing off from Washington: ‘There were three games in the NHL, tonight, and two of them were here.”
Then Emrick wished those on the West Coast a “good night,” and those on the East Coast a “good morning.”
* Despite what Jimmy Dolan prefers from MSG broadcasters, Mike Breen and Walt Frazier continue to provide honest, intelligent calls.
During the second quarter of Game 2 of Knicks-Heat, Carmelo Anthony stopped playing after missing a shot, choosing instead to gripe that he was fouled.
But instead of screaming the Knicks were robbed — and Anthony did appear to be fouled — Breen and Frazier chose the bigger picture:
“Anthony upset with no call on his missed shot, not running back up the floor, just trotting up. That’s unacceptable,” Breen said. “Ya gotta hustle back.”
“You don’t want that, man,” Frazier said. “Just play the game.”
If they continue to speak such unpopular truths, Dolan’s going to start hitting them with facility fees.
Nets on Jay-Z track
As long as the Nets are allowing Jay-Z to call their marketing shots — what a shock that he chose black and white as the new team colors to stress, as the Nets explained, their new “urban” home — why not have him apply the full Jay-Z treatment?
Why the Brooklyn Nets when they can be the New York N——s? The cheerleaders could be the Brooklyn B—-hes or Hoes. Team logo? A 9 mm with hollow-tip shell casings strewn beneath. Wanna be Jay-Z hip? Then go all the way!
“I guess I won’t need my color TV anymore now that the Nets will be wearing black and white,’’ writes reader John Lynch.
And reader David Distefano now wonders what’s left for the Nets to choose as “their alternate third-uniform to sell during nationally televised games.”
* My Derby pick? Glad you asked. Gemologist. Why? Mike Francesa, who, after ignoring hockey all regular season — again — has emerged as an expert/insider on the Rangers, weeks ago dismissed Gemologist as having no chance. That’s good enough for me!
Funny, because Francesa’s dismissal of Gemologist, the colt has moved from 8-1 to 6-1. Has the Francesa reverse-curse gone viral?
Mikey knows even more about horse racing than he does hockey. Two years ago he mocked Zenyatta as a load of hype. He authoritatively claimed she couldn’t run with the boys. Long story short, Zenyatta won Horse of the Year.
* So, head-to-head in New York, Game 1 of Knicks-Heat on ABC badly out-rated Game 1 of Caps-Rangers on NBC. I suppose. But how many tens of thousands of local viewers switched back and forth 10, 15, 20 times?
Ch. 5’s “Sports Extra, Sunday night, included a retrospective on Stephane Matteau’s 1994 OT goal that put the Rangers over the Devils and into the finals. A graphic identified Matteau as a “Ranger Great.” A forward, Matteau played 85 regular season games for the Rangers and scored 11 goals.
Need to start every day with a good laugh or just a smile? Go through MLB box scores and see what it takes be awarded a “hold.”