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Eli scores as ‘SNL’ host

Eli Manning and Rihanna on SNL – Saturday Night Live – 5/5/12 – video grabs – NBC (
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Super Bowl hero Eli Manning cracked wise about sex, Tim Tebow and his big brother, Peyton, as the Giants quarterback hosted “Saturday Night Live” last night.

“We know that big brothers can be real d–k heads,” he said in a pre-recorded skit about the “Little Brothers Program,” in which he helped a small boy give his big brother a toilet swirlie.

“The Little Brother’s Program, because the day of reckoning is now at hand!” joked Manning, whose quarterback brother did a similar skit on the show in 2007.

Looking as confident as he does on the gridiron, Eli Manning wasn’t afraid to get done up in drag as “Miss Chicken-Fried Steak” or don a long blonde wig and grungy hippy garb in a sketch about Occupy Wall Street.

Manning opened the show with a monologue in which he declared he had become an expert on New York and took questions about how to best enjoy the city.

When an audience member asked him where to get the best Italian food in New York, he said: “There’s a great place called the Olive Garden . . . It’s in New Jersey but it’s worth it.”

Another person asked him what Broadway show he recommended.

“ ‘Cats’ you gotta see ‘Cats’ — It’s cats that can sing!”

When the person asked if the show, which closed in 2000, was still running, Manning said: “I don’t know, I saw an ad for it on TV when I was a kid.”

Manning then took a shot at the new Jets quarterback who has been stealing some of the limelight from him in the Meadowlands — Tebow.

Manning pretended he was doing the motion capture for a football video game — and having trouble providing a signature move for the creators to put in the game for after he scores a touchdown.

He first tried hugging himself. Then he pretends to dribble a basketball.

When those were rejected, he said he had finally come up with something “edgy” and “iconic” before getting down in Tebow’s signature kneeling pose.

In one racy sketch, Manning played a man on trial for murder who was testifying about text messages he sent on the night of the crime.

“SNL” cast member Jason Sudeikis, playing his lawyer, held up a hilarious picture of Manning holding a banana between his legs, which his character had supposedly sent as a come-on to a woman.

Sudeikis asked Manning “The banana is meant to represent?”

“A penis,” Manning said.

After the laughter died down, Sedeikis asked, “Is it an accurate representation.”

“No it is not,” Manning deadpanned. “The banana is larger.”