The bachelor party that’s now becoming popular with NYC men is more about brunch, not booze — and wholesome activities like hiking and fishing. (Mark Leibowitz / Masterfile)
OUT: The classic bachelor party model might have involved “The Hangover 2” levels of debauchery, hookers and all sorts of dirty secrets. (
)
When Patrick Carone, 35, clicked on the e-mail announcing plans for his friend’s bachelor party, he was expecting a blueprint for a sordid Vegas jaunt, or perhaps a steakhouse bash in NYC, with a bevy of beauties on the side. Instead, he was invited to “join us in a relaxing weekend of fishing, light hiking, even barbecuing!”
Carone, who is admittedly “more of the traditional-bachelor-party kind of guy,” was crestfallen.
He frantically scanned the e-mail again for the words “strippers,” “steakhouse” or “Vegas,” but only found “hike,” “upstate NY” and “bug spray.” To be fair, the guys did manage to take shots, sort of: Their outing at the Catskill Pheasantry this past weekend involved skeet shooting, where the group fired off shotguns at clay discs for two hours, leaving some of the guys with bruised shoulders — and egos.
“A bachelor party is a rite of passage for guys,” protests Carone, the entertainment director at Maxim. “When else can a group of guy friends cut loose like this, in what is the last free pass society hands us?”
But Carone is fast becoming part of the minority — and he risks being left behind at the strip club, thanks to a shifting mindset among men who cite a “been there, done that” mentality, financial fatigue and a new distaste for raunchier activities that don’t fit into their lives. In a June poll by wedding Web site the Knot, more than half of the female respondents reported that their fiancés are planning low-key affairs for their bachelor parties — activity-oriented celebrations or a simple dinner and drinks.
“The cliché that all bachelor parties need booze and women is quickly becoming extinct,” says Chris Easter, founder of the go-to site for grooms, the Man Registry.
As men get married older — the average age for a groom in the US has risen from 24 to almost 29 in the past 30 years — Easter says, “They’ve got the college lifestyle and partying out of their system. Their interests have changed, and they don’t require a night of binge drinking to say goodbye to their single life. It means that a dinner with friends is an ideal alternative to doing 15 shots of whiskey and not remembering the night.”
A few of Easter’s recent personal faves are the shooting range, golfing, and — yes — even fishing excursions.
Jason Diamond, a writer/editor at the culture Web site Flavorpill, was married in February, and began the preparation for his bachelor weekend with a stern e-mail to friends that read, in capital letters, “NO STRIPPERS.”
“It was dorky, but so am I. I admit it,” says Diamond, a 31-year-old West Village resident who made sure to filter out friends who wouldn’t be happy with his G-rated menu of activities. His bachelor weekend kicked off with a civilized brunch at the organic, locally sourced East Village spot Back Forty, then moved on to a karaoke-thon and ended in an anticlimax, with Diamond and his buddies crashing on his couch to watch Ken Burns’ documentary about the Civil War.
“I don’t care what the expectation is,” Diamond says to critics. “My wife is my best friend, and I look at marriage as growing up and maturing — and traditional bachelor-party stuff is the opposite of that, in my book.”
Michael Bohnen, a 24-year-old medical student on the Upper West Side, also knew he wanted to avoid clichéd “Hangover” high jinks. For his November 2011 wedding, he opted for sushi and pingpong downtown with a small group of friends and family.
“For me, it was about hanging out with my friends more intimately,” he says. “The important thing was to be with my close friends and just have a good time, and having a smaller thing worked best for me.
“Before, it was always, ‘The boys will play, and the women will have their spa day.’ But it’s not so much all about the Vegas party with strippers anymore,” says Kristin Koch, senior editor at weddingchannel.com. “No one’s thinking that this is the last hurrah anymore.”
Not surprisingly, fiancées approve of this new breed of parties. Not only is there no threat of hanky-panky or half-naked women, some of them are actually in on it, too, with co-ed bachelor parties on the rise.
Will Welch, a senior editor at GQ, has seen the writing on the wall: “I absolutely think there’s been a noticeable shift,” he says.
When he went tubing for a friend’s bachelor party a few years back, he knew the tide had turned — literally.
“It was a noticeable departure, but once you do one of those, it sets the precedent that you don’t have to do the traditional thing anymore” — much to the relief of most guys and their wallets.
Welch says the best man inevitably feels obligated to throw a rowdy bash, when often the guys don’t really want that — financially or for personal reasons. “It’s like everyone is standing around thinking the same thing, but no one has the guts to say it. Part of the whole Vegas/stripper thing was a ridiculous sense of duty, whereas now there’s less pressure, and less of a snowball effect. We finally have the guts to say no to Vegas and spending ungodly amounts of money.”
To wit: Comedian Adam Stone, 29, is planning a golfing bachelor party this summer at the Lido Golf Club in Lido Beach, LI, where the only potential for danger might involve clashing plaid prints and insufficient suntan lotion. “I’m an old soul,” he explains, saying his decision to throw a bachelor party on the green was a no-brainer. “I decided a long time ago that gambling, strippers and drinking wouldn’t play a role.”
He notes sheepishly, however, that his fiancée “is thinking of Vegas for her [bachelorette party].”