In brothels and bedrooms throughout the city, johns and the cuties who service them are having a chuckle.
And the target of their revelry is none other than Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. — who is apparently on a fishing expedition and using Hockey Mom Madam Anna Gristina as bait.
Vance seems to be so obsessed with kinky sex and the high-profile men who pay for it, he should be limited to prosecuting folks who fail to pick up after their dogs. Not the alleged ringleader of the sleaziest call-girl ring since the one engaged by Eliot Spitzer.
Even Eliot got away with it, Cy.
It took four months. But accused upstate Hockey Mom Madam Anna Gristina this week got the dominant upper hand in her epic battle with the prosecutor. Vance claims Gristina ran a multimillion-dollar hooker ring out of an Upper East Side town house that provided naked beauties to men too rich, powerful, busy or ugly to troll for bed partners the old-fashioned way — on the Internet.
But after a five-year investigation peppered with juicy claims that Gristina was protected by members of law enforcement, and after prosecutors grabbed Gristina off a Manhattan street, making the poor, screaming dame think she was being kidnapped, one question remains for Cy: Where’s the beef?
Gristina is charged with a single, low-level and nonviolent felony count of promoting prostitution, not rape or assault — and that’s a good thing. For those are crimes for which Vance can’t possibly win a conviction on a bet.
Gristina was unable to raise the $2 million bail that Vance’s office requested. You can murder your mother and not get bail like that.
But in a stunning rebuke, the Appellate Division on Tuesday reduced Gristina’s price of freedom to $250,000 bond, $125,000 cash, saying the original bail was “unreasonable and an abuse of discretion.’’
She’ll be out of jail faster than I’ll Have Another can sprint to stud. Meanwhile, Vance looks as foolish and mean as he does incompetent.
Please tell us there’s more to your investigation than exposing a few rich johns, Cy.
The $64 million question that’s burning through the halls of 1 Hogan Place, home of the DA’s headquarters, is this:
Why so obsessed with paid sex?
Is it personal, Cy?
“So many of the cases he’s drawn to [and loses spectacularly] are, coincidentally, sex cases,’’ laughed a source.
“It’s odd, right?’’
“This actually came on the [DA’s office] radar eight years ago,’’ said another source.
So far, the DA has been squeezing two relatively low-rent $1,000 hookers, who’ve agreed to give info on Gristina to save their backsides, as well as Gristina’s alleged money launderer.
But even if all the whips fall into place, Gristina faces, at most, 3 1/2 to seven years in prison. If the DA can make a case against her, that is.
And the supposed johns, described as high-flying bankers, lawyers and Indian chiefs?
I’ll bet an arm and a leg that not one alleged patron sees a moment behind bars or in the papers. Call it sexist. Or maybe it’s a rich guy’s right to retain fierce lawyers. But men who pay for their jollies never pay.
“She’s certainly getting the better of Cy Vance,’’ said a source.
Since being elected DA in 2009, Vance has done everything wrong, particularly when it comes to his sexual passions.
He publicly condemned Dominique Strauss-Kahn as a deviant, before sheepishly dropping sex-assault charges against him. He failed the women of this city by losing a case against two cops charged with raping a drunk woman.
And he looked like an amateur in the 33-year-old Etan Patz murder case when he begged Police Commissioner Ray Kelly to delay charging confessed killer Pedro Hernandez. He was ignored.
It’s time for grown-ups to take over law enforcement. Cy Vance can’t win for losing.
RFK’s blame game
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claims his late wife, Mary Richardson Kennedy, punched him in the eye, threatened to kill herself, drank until she passed out and killed the family dog. It gets worse.
RFK Jr., an environmentalist who wants to save the planet but failed miserably at saving his tragic wife from suicide, suggested that Mary was to blame for his own serial adultery!
So he claims in a sealed affidavit made in an attempt to gain full custody of the couple’s four children, and leaked to Newsweek.
It wasn’t known who gave up the document, but it’s got the grimy fingerprints of Kennedy all over it. He does not want to be seen as the faithless monster who led Mary to hang herself last month at age 52.
Can’t the poor lady rest in peace?
Madonna’s big bust
“You don’t have to show your nipples to be interesting’’ — Madonna, about February’s Super Bowl halftime show.
Afraid that audiences are losing interest, the demented popster, 53, flashed a nip at an Istanbul concert over the weekend, then dug into her pants as if hunting for her AARP card.
The crowd yawned. Madge’s daughter is desperately seeking emancipation.
It’s time to scratch Syria’s poison Ivy
Barbara Walters signs e-mails to Sheherazad “Sherry’’ Jaafari, former top aide to Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad, “Hugs, Barbara.’’
Jaafari, 22, calls Babs “my adopted mother.’’
The octogenarian’s embarrassing girl crush peaked after Jaafari got Babs an interview with her butcher boss. Barbara repaid her gal pal by pressuring Columbia University to grant Jaafari a coveted slot in the School of International and Public Affairs.
Now, Syrian rights groups demand that Columbia rescind the offer. “Columbia and Barbara Walters must ensure that they right the wrong and not accept someone from the inner circle of the al-Assad regime,’’ said a spokesman for the National Alliance for Syria.
Assad’s forces are believed to have killed 9,000 souls.
What’s taking Columbia so long? And why does Barbara still have a job?
B’klyn principal’s wacky principles
Brooklyn Principal Greta Hawkins pulled the song “God Bless the USA’’ from kindergarten graduation this month after staffers heard her say, “We don’t want to offend other cultures.’’
Sadly, Schools Chancellor Dennis Walcott rode to the Coney Island principal’s defense, saying she wants to save kids from age-inappropriate lyrics. Such as: “I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free . . .’’
To save face, Hawkins, of PS 90, also pulled the Justin Bieber song “Baby’’ from the lineup, but did not replace the patriotic ditty.
Hawkins refuses to stand each morning as students recite the Pledge of Allegiance and sing “God Bless America.’’ She’s a bad influence.
The city should not stand for it.