Metro

NJ p.r. exec threatens to fire staffers who don’t replace milk

Sounds like he’s the one who’s spoiled!

A high-powered New Jersey p.r. exec walked into his office and discovered to his horror that staffers had consumed all the milk, leaving none for his coffee — and instantly fired off a bizarre e-mail warning that if it happens again, someone’s getting the ax.

“I have repeatedly requested until I am blue in the face that the person that finishes the milk must replace the milk,” whined Keith Zakheim, CEO of multimillion-dollar Beckerman Public Relations in Hackensack.

“It’s not complicated and is a simple sign of respect for fellow employees.”

Zakheim underwent his awful trauma Tuesday when, according to his memo, he wanted to add skim milk to his coffee and found “literally three drops, an amount that would maybe fill the tummy of a prematurely born mouse.’’

Making matters worse, Zakheim, 36, really needed coffee because the previous evening he’d watched his favorite football team lose.

“Imagine my chagrin this morning when I stumbled in at 7:15 after enduring a typically painful Redskins loss and in dire need of a shot of caffeine, only to find that the skim milk in the refrigerator had three drops of milk left.

“The person that did this is either incredibly lazy, obnoxiously selfish or woefully devoid of intelligence — three traits that are consistent with the profile of FORMER Beckerman employees,” continued Zakheim, whose firm reps real-estate and tech companies.

He then made the threat clear to anyone not picking up on his not-so-subtle warning.

“I am gravely serious when I write this — if I catch someone not replacing the milk, or at least, in the case where the downstairs store has closed already, not sending an e-mail to the office so the first person that arrives . . . can pick one up upon arrival — then I am going to fire you. I’m not joking.

“Have fun explaining that one to your next employer,” he taunted. “This is not a empty threat, so PLEASE don’t test me.”

“As you can tell from the tenor of this e-mail, I am not happy and at my wits end. I have repeatedly beseeched you to replace the supplies that you consume — whether its pencils, paper or MILK.”

“This costs you nothing — I pay for it! Yet, it is still repeatedly ignored.”

As a public-relations man, Zakheim should have known his threat would have been leaked.

His apparent lack of milk of human kindness was first reported by Gawker. The company backtracked a bit yesterday.

Allyne Mills, general manager at Beckerman, told The Post yesterday that no one has been or will be fired for not replacing the milk.

“This is all about communicating that we have a culture of mutual respect and taking responsibility,” she said.

Mills admitted that if Zakheim had to do it over again, he’d tone down the harshness.

“I think in hindsight, he admits the wording was a bit strong, but for people who know Keith and work here, they understood the e-mail and the spirit in which it was intended.”

But she did think the importance of replacing the milk came across.

“It’s the overall message of not being selfish, and really have this be a place where we look out for each other.”