She’s a fame whore for hire who became fabulously wealthy not for her looks, brains, sex appeal or talent. But for the super-sized quality of her protruding butt.
He’s tall, dark, athletic and exceptionally, stupendously, over-the-top dumb.
The only mystery remaining is how any human so lacking in brain function could summon the ability to walk upright.
On paper, the marriage between the iconic pair, Kim Kardashian, already a divorcée at 31, and Kris Humphries, a pup of 26 — the short-lived HumpDashians — sure looked like a winner.
For here was a phony, cooked-up union, sold to an unwitting public as a real-life fairy tale.
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Now we know that the marriage was a complete and utter sham.
It was a pairing born in an agent’s office, and spawned in amoral Hollywood. Then, it drove to the finish line wrapped in a dank hell where sacred, holy matrimony is nothing more than a cynical money-making enterprise.
The marriage was nothing more than a profitable scam, one bought by heavy-set romantics who live their entire lives hoping for a shot at getting into bed with a HumpDashian. These two glassy-eyed ghouls, who announced their split, fittingly, on Halloween, don’t give a rat’s rump about rational notions of love, fidelity or the concept of forever. This was all about selling one’s body to the highest bidder.
It’s enough to put a person off heterosexual relations for good.
Kim rose to prominence not by acting in the conventional sense. She did the nasty on tape. It’s made her millions in copies on the Internet, at $2.95 a roll in the hay. But she never spent enough time in the same room with her actual hub to have sex of any kind. No profit in that.
Humphries, it’s been reported, wasn’t even her first choice. Their glossy, $10 million California wedding, whose scenester guests included Lindsay Lohan, Ryan Seacrest and Serena Williams, came about, reportedly, after makers of her E! reality show “Kourtney and Kim Take New York” sought to cast an athlete boyfriend for Kim. Her reps allegedly tried for a Knick, got shot down, then settled for New Jersey Net Humphries. Their first mistake.
The marriage was public and profitable, generating millions in TV rights and $1.5 million from People magazine.
But within days, Humphries found himself on an airplane across the aisle from his wife’s sex-tape partner, Ray J.
The worst came when Humphries didn’t punch the guy in the face.
Kim, who never saw a body part she couldn’t sell, has been weary of her guy, out of work since the NBA lockout. For money-grubbing Kim, the worst part is that her lazy hub is busy partying. And she pays.
There will always be time to cast another husband, but the profit motive may be gone.
No one will believe this shrew is capable of anything as natural as love.