After watching a screener for Sunday night’s much-hyped “before-the-breakup” opening episode of “Kourtney & Kim take New York,” I feel as foolish as Kris Humphries must feel.
In fact, the krooked Kardashian klan should have changed the title of the show to “Kourtney & Kim Take New York For a Ride.”
For once — despite all the editing that went into making Kim the breakaway bride look like the slighted one — they will be exposed as the phony kreeps they are.
And Humphries? He ends up looking like the dumbest schmo to ever appear on reality TV — and that’s saying a lot!
It becomes clear early on, that this poor fool thought he was really getting married. He didn’t realize he was just playing a character assigned to him by Kim.
He wasn’t a husband, he was a prop!
And you will realize that right from the beginning of Sunday night’s much-hyped show when the breathlessly over-coiffed and overly made-up Kim gushes, “We just got back from our amazing honeymoon!”
Their amazing honeymoon was immediately followed by the couple moving into an amazing NYC suite with her amazing sister and her despicably amazing boyfriend, Scott Disick, and the couple’s amazing toddler.
Kris looks genuinely surprised, seemingly believing they were going to go have a newlywed life together. Yes, he’s a moron to have bought it, but men have done far more stupid things for love.
And that’s the thing. He really loves her, and she really loves her, too.
It’s apparent that if Kim cared at all about the marriage, she would never have moved into this TV setup. Why would the richest reality sisters on TV have to live together? The whole thing is geared for disaster. One thing that kills the love is sitting around listening to your relatives fart out loud.
But maybe Kris thought that the family who farts together, starts together . . . or something.
In addition to gassing in the suite, the girls do yoga with a naked male instructor, have oil enemas and worry that “poop will squirt out [their] butts” when they go to a black-tie event later in the day.
You’ll cringe watching Kris who, in this macabre bunch is like Marilyn in “The Munsters” — trying to become like them in order to please his so-called “wife.”
That means he shaves Disick’s armpits and talks about shaving his pubes. Talk about a pathetic, beaten man.
And when he then starts to chafe, telling his wife, “I’m concerned I may end up sacrificing my career to be in New York,” Kim looks annoyed — or as annoyed as all that Botox will allow.
What about her career? Her career is in New York, she says.
When Kris goes to Minnesota to practice, Kim tells the world, “I am sad, but Kris is really supportive of my career . . . I should definitely be supportive of my husband’s career.”
Fifteen seconds later she filed for divorce.