LOS ANGELES — The NBA begins its Route 66-game schedule Sunday. Pack plenty of Ace bandages and analgesic. Local steam rooms and whirlpools will become your best friends. The irregular season is approximately four months. That¹s a little over 15 games per with back-to-back-to-back lace ups at least once, some teams subjected to three stress tests.
Remember the shortened 1998-99? Fifty games in 80 days before we got to a race to the throne room. At the end of 80 days, many players were nothing more than a thumbprint on a glass and a decomposed toenail. This season, fans attending games hoping to see their favorite super stars are likely to see “Charley Jamoke”…the guy that helps the equipment guy pick up towels and dirty practice uniforms.
Already, Kobe Bryant has torn (inoperable) ligaments in his shooting hand (“I would¹ve been better off breaking it,” he told me), Brook Lopez needs surgery on his right foot, Stephen Curry left Tuesday’s game on crutches with a sprained ankle and Carlos Boozer¹s gym bag is in ICU.
This season teams will go through three or more trainers. In future years, this could be referred to as the NBA season the piñata was only half full; the players ended up half dead and the fans got half their money¹s worth. As required under martial law, we offer up our annual preview, beginning with the Eastern Conference¹s projected playoff participants:
HEAT
The addition of multi-task force Shane Battier and a fit Udonis Haslem should clinch a return to Supreme Court and all but guarantee a title. Still, the health of Haslem and Mike Miller are an everyday uncertainty. Ultimately, athleticism and skills of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh offset imperfections of Joel Anthony, Dexter Pittman and, dare I suggest, Eddy Curry, who gives them a free pass into the Finals – of a Pillsbury Bake-Off. The paramount questions: Can Mario Chalmers effectively handle the burden to keep three superstars satisfied? Who will take the last shots? And has LeBron learned how to play on the block?
BULLS
Derrick Rose crossed paths with Kobe last summer and asked him where his team went wrong against Miami. “You didn¹t have anyone who posted up. You win titles by putting inside pressure on the defense.” That¹s supposedly Boozer¹s specialty. The biggest sign he shrunk (backed down) was his 3.8 free-throw attempts (6.9 otherwise) while being guarded by Bosh and a one-legged Haslem. He went from 17 points and 51 percent to 12 and 43.Addition of Rip Hamilton solidifies starting five. Can 33-year-old play defensive demanded of Tom Thibodeau? “No question about it,” chuckled Billups, his former Pistons teammate. “He¹s hardly played the last two years.”
KNICKS
So, Baron Davis is projected to replace Mike Bibby. That¹s like changing a flat with a flat. And it¹s not like their bigs are willing or good passers either. Tyson Chandler¹s best years occurred when being spoon fed by Chris Paul and Jason Kidd. Habitually in foul trouble, Chandler’s minutes figure to reach an all-time low in view of how many backs he¹ll have to protect. Think Amar¹e Stoudemire will cope any better in that role? Amar¹e needs to rebound better. Carmelo Anthony needs to move the ball better. And both need to learn how to play (and this is really important) WITHOUT THE BALL! Management should have appointed Chauncey Billups coach when it had the chance.
CELTICS
Remember when Red Auerbach stuck with Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish too long? What followed was six years of failing to reach 40 victories, including 15- and 19-win misadventures. Apparently Danny Strange wasn¹t paying attention. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce are on the decline, one more major pop of being done. Rajon Rondo¹s mindset is crucial. Distraught by Kendrick Perkin¹s trade to the Thunder, imagine how bent out of shape he is knowing management and coach Doc Rivers repeatedly tried to trade him. The good news is Shaquille O’Neal is off their cookbooks this time around.
MAGIC
Provided Dwight Howard a) remains, b) cares or c) cares to remain. For many reasons, that¹s not going to happen, not the least of which is Howard wanting to distance himself from the unconstructive rants of coach Stan Van Gundy, given an extension not so long ago. Once Howard is gone, it’s time to start anew. In light of Otis Smith¹s multitude of personnel sins, how he has managed to keep his general manager job is a mystery without any clues. At least it was until someone kindly explained that Smith was Richard DeVos’ heart transplant donor.
PACERS
Larry Legend is proving to be no Birdbrain. Granted, he lucked into unknown coach Frank Vogel (finally firing Jim O¹Brien). Nevertheless, the outgoing team president (end of season) has very methodically assembled a great complement of combative players who commanded the Bulls¹ respect in last season¹s first round five-game, blood-stained conflict. Tyler Hansbrough is showing productive finish was no fluke. Free agent David West gives them double trouble (Danny Granger) from the wings and a re-enforcer (along with Jeff Foster) to straighten out anyone who tries to bully Darren Collision, Roy Hibbert, Paul George and George Hill.
HAWKS
It says something about the state of the franchise that we now expect them to savor the second season/round. They¹ve peaked, however, as evidenced by the exodus of Jamal Crawford to Portland, the addition of no one special (luxury tax restraints) and Kirk Hinrich¹s enduring recovering from surgery. Unless, of course, Joe Johnson somehow plays up his max contract, Jeff Teague continues to improve in quantum leaps, Al Horford grows four inches and the team stops dysfunction-ing as an AAU traveling summer outfit.
76ERS
Made big strides last season, but when does tuning in Doug Collins turn to tuning out Doug Collins? Wouldn¹t be the first time – or the second – or, well, you get the picture. Part of that process is Collins getting turned off by his players. In this case, I¹m informed, he has only has eyes for Lou Williams, Jrue Holiday and Thaddeus Young, in that order. Dougie Fresh is awfully unhappy Andre Iguodala ($43 million over three years) could not be deported.
BOTTOM FEEDERS
NETS
Minus Lopez, what chance do they have of winning games or Orlando’s affections? As currently constituted, lame team, plus lame-duck tenants equals “plenty of good seats available.”
RAPTORS
Signed about two dozen free agents. I defy you to name any of them. In fact, name anyone on their roster other than Andrea Bargnani and Jose Calderon, for all he¹s worth. Truth be told, DeMar DeRozan is worth a flight to Toronto.
BOBCATS
Good news: The shortened season means this mélange can¹t challenge the ’72-’73 38s’ record for repugnance. This automatically gives hard-line owner Michael Jordan a leg up for “Executive of the Year.” In all fairness, Kemba Walker already flaunts that star quality. Walker, D.J. Augustin and Gerald Henderson need to learn how to play under control and the difference between a good and bad shot.
BUCKS
You know the season is getting close when Stephen Jackson starts making contract demands. Success will be measured by how much Andrew Bogut’s reconstructed shoulder allows him to do.
PISTONS
I’ve always liked the league better when I can throw Lawrence Frankincense¹s name into the column over and over. May be the first team in league history to permit fans to pay on the way out of the arena depending on how entertained they were.
CAVS
If there was any less pressure on Byron Scott, he¹d have a government job.There are two incentives to follow them: Kyrie Irving and owner Dan Gilbert¹s text messages.
WIZARDS
Until this team learns there are two ends of the floor they¹re a waste of time to watch. Fiercest competition will be among John Wall, Jordan Crawford and Nick Young for shots.
peter.vecsey@nypost.com