Darren Coffman makes a homemade pizza with his family. (
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Cheapskate Jeff Yeager served up goat’s head for dinner. (
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If this year’s traditional soap-on-a-rope stocking stuffer was made out of random soap chards thrown into an old pair of Aunt Justine’s panty hose, you’re not in The Twilight Zone —you’re on “Extreme Cheapskates.”
Debuting on Dec. 28 at 9 p.m., TLC’s riff on its breakout hit, “Extreme Couponing” begs the musical question: Would you prefer to live in a house that uses two-ply tissue peeled into one-ply — or homemade cloth wipes that go into a metal bucket and get re-washed?
Appalled by the stingemeister who dives into a Dumpster for dead roses to give to his wife for their anniversary? Repelled by the cheapster who settles for the goat’s eye in his six-figure kitchen? Just wait until you see the faces of the people in the donut-shop line who are being held hostage by a guy who bartered “reciting a poem” in exchange for a raspberry-filled donut.
“Extreme Cheapskates” is the ideal antidote to family tension during the holiday vacation week, as it directs viewers’ attention on embarrassing and annoying people who aren’t in the room.
That’s not by accident: “Extreme Couponing” made its debut during the holiday vacation period last year.
It’s difficult to totally dismiss much of what these thrifters are doing, especially in the new economy.
Roy and Lisa Haynes’ frugality has allowed them to rescue more than 3,000 dogs and cats; Angela Coffman reined in her family of eight, and erased $89,000 of debt in one year; Jeff and Denise Yeager are far better positioned for retirement than friends of the same age, and Jordan Mederich was able to barter his wedding, budgeted at $22,000, down to $1,825.
Unlike the combative narcissists and “cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs” hoarders found elsewhere, these cheapskates appear to be in happy relationships with people who are accustomed to their significant others taking food from other people’s tables and asking total strangers if they’re actually going to finish everything on their plate.
Denise Yeager passes on hubby Jeff’s offer of the two cooked goat’s heads that he purchased with foraged change from laundromat lint filters. She wryly observes that someone has to be conscious enough to call 911 if he gets food poisoning.”
Given that the “L” in TLC stands for learning (insert your own snide remark here), the show does have tips and things to teach us.
Haynes, the show’s breakout personality, has mastered an annual clothing budget of nine dollars. Rather than taking a stained garment to the dry cleaners and paying an exorbitant cleaning bill, he donates the item to a thrift shop. Days later, he returns to the thrift shop, sees if they’ve cleaned it to make it salable and buys it back for a buck or two.
He is canny and philosophical: “Toilet paper is a lot like life in general, the closer you get to the end, the faster it seems to go,” he observes, insuring that “Extreme Cheapskates” is one of this year’s warmest holiday TV memories.
Five ways to live like a cheapskate
Say “hasta la vista baby” to the annual $54 cover price of Real Simple by following this cheapskating advice:
1) Dryer lint is the new white vinegar: use it to start your fire or to knit a Snuggie.
2) Sharpen dulling razor blades on the flint side of a match box
3) Extend the life of a nearly finished toothpaste tube by a week by cutting it in half, horizontally.
4) Use chopsticks to get loose change out of a vacuum cleaner bag.
5) No-cost pot scrubber: put a ball of used aluminum foil into the mesh onion or potato bag.