Entertainment

New Year’s Eve for dummies

NEW LOEWS FOR VINNY

Knuckle-dragging melanoma candidate and “Jersey Shore” pseudo-star Vinny Guadagnino (right) is bringing fist-pumping holiday cheer to the AMC Loews Theater on 34th Street, where that movie complex will, of course, be transformed into a nightclub. For $2,500, your VIP group of eight can enjoy two bottles of premium vodka, two bottles of premium Champagne, and judging by the show, unlimited blows to the head and yet to be named STDs. 312 W. 34th St.; 212-244-8850, joonbug.com

WAXING RIDICULOUS

Madame Tussauds invites New Year’s revelers to celebrate among the stars, or at least wax replicas of them. Everyone will be there — Derek Jeter, Martin Luther King Jr., Madonna and Michael Jackson. VIP tickets that allow patrons to actually see the ball drop from 42nd Street cost $770 per person at newyears.com — and Page Six reported that one party animal has already paid $20,000 to ring in 2012 alongside President Obama. 234 W. 42nd St.; 212-843-2400

REEL SILLY

Club Famous in Times Square is hosting a NYE party that pays tribute to arguably the worst movie of the year. Yes, the film “New Year’s Eve,” which The Post’s Sara Stewart called a “soul-sucking monument to Hollywood greed and saccharine holiday culture.” The tie-in with this bash, titled “Live the Movie: New Year’s Eve 2012,” is even more dubious: Both the movie and this club are set in Times Square. A table for eight costs $2,500 and includes two bottles of Champagne and three bottles of vodka. Don’t be surprised if Ryan Seacrest swings by after his Times Square gig to do for this party what he did for the movie — absolutely nothing. 171 W. 47th St.; 212-997-0009, clubfamousnyc.com

NUDE (YES, NUDE) YEAR’S EVE

Talk about dropping the balls! Young Naturists & Nudist America’s “Nude Year’s Eve Party — Shore!” is putting the “ewww” in Newww Year’s Eve. Buy a $40 ticket and pay $10 for the round-trip bus ride from lower Manhattan to an undisclosed venue in the area of Keansburg, NJ (location is disclosed after ticket purchase). There’ll be drinking, dancing — and no pants. The party bus leaves at 7:30 p.m., and you’ll be back at 3 a.m. But be sure to pay in advance — we’re not quite sure where these people keep their wallets. nudistnaturistamerica.org

$15,000 TO MEET A MOUSEMAN

Being in a club is one thing. Sitting alongside one of the world’s hottest DJs is quite another. On New Year’s Eve, Deadmau5 (left), who sometimes wears a giant mouse head when mixing house music, is inviting groups of 15 to drop $15,000 to hang out near him and drown in bubbly at Pier 36. And it costs $1,350 in service charges to book it! 299 South St.; joonbug.com

Meanwhile, let’s say you really want to spend $15,000, but don’t like house music? Look no further than R Lounge at the Renaissance Hotel, where a mere $15,000, plus nearly 9 percent tax and a 20 percent gratuity, provides four guests a view of the Times Square ball drop. Watching the event on television and buying a 2012 Honda Civic for the same price is another option. That also seats four comfortably. 714 Seventh Ave.; 212-261-5200, rloungetimessquare.com

TABLE FOR FIVE (GRAND)

Can’t normally get into as-seen-on-TV celebrity hot spots such as Lavo or 1Oak? Buy a ticket for New Year’s Eve and for one magical night you won’t have to worry about the doorman telling you you’re too fat, ugly or unfashionable to get in. Both of these clubs have given their guest lists to promotional company nycnewyears-eve.com, which will be charging $5,000 for VIP tables that host up to a dozen people. Lavo is at 39 E. 58th St. and 1Oak is at 453 W. 17th St.

GUTTER BALL

There’s no shortage of confusion at massive bowling alley Bowlmor Lanes, where guests are invited to “experience all of NYC without ever leaving this 90,000-square-foot entertainment facility!” — all hosted by ballroom dancer Karina Smirnoff (above). Another option is walking out the front door, into Times Square, and actually experiencing New York City. Foursomes paying $175 per person enjoy VIP bowling, which comes with a bottle of Champagne and a bottle of vodka, natch. 222 W. 44th St.; (212) 680-0012, bowlmor.com