My girlfriend and I are finishing up college and are considering moving in together. For the past several years, I’ve been an avid collector of sports memorabilia and in a recent discussion, she voiced her displeasure in not wanting me to have these items displayed in our shared space. What do you suggest we do to try to compromise on this conflict?
Quiggle
OK. This is not a big deal. First of all, unless you want an entire room dedicated to all this stuff, she’s just going to have to deal with it — or not move in with you. It’s that simple.
I suggest that you involve her in the display option. Tell her you understand that it’s not her thing, but perhaps she can compromise by choosing a really nice display case of her liking, so that it goes with whatever other things you’re both bringing into the apartment. Maybe something with wood on the outside, glass doors and a light inside, so you can see into it and your collectibles are illuminated? But first, go through all your items and choose only the ones that mean the most to you or have some sort of value. This will show her that you’re curbing your enthusiasm for your lifelong collection, as well as taking her feelings into consideration. They’ll look beautiful inside this armoire, so she’ll be happy; and you’ll have some of your favorite things displayed, so you’ll be happy. Problem solved!
Some time ago, my husband asked me to fulfill a fantasy of his by watching me have sex with someone else. I eventually gave in and when it happened, the guy was very good at making love. So much so that I agreed to remove the condom he was wearing and meet him again the next day. We continued to meet, and each time he got me to submit to more and more until pics and videos were taken, and soon I was shared with his friends — one at a time and then at the same time. The thing is, I don’t want it to stop. Is there a danger, other than STDs, that having so many sexual partners presents?
Tammy P., 51
I’m a little confused. You mention a husband at the beginning of your question, but then don’t reference him or his involvement in any of these “other” encounters with these “other” men. That’s the biggest danger you face here: his not knowing or being against all this sleeping around. Could he possibly know and be OK with all this behavior?
Also, you dismiss STDs like they’re nothing, but you cannot be sleeping with men you don’t know without protection — especially if you’re still married and the two of you still engage in intercourse. You need to protect yourself.
I also think the video and photo taking is potentially dangerous — mostly to your reputation. From the sound of it, you’re not super close with these men. You may not even know their names. What if those pics or videos ended up on the Internet and got back to someone at work? Or a family member? I’m guessing you’d be mortified! Take it from me: You have to protect your reputation. Unless your life-long dream goal is to be in a porno titled something so explicit I can’t even say, you have to readjust this fantasy thing you have going on — fast.
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