INSTEAD of calling its new show “Three Rivers,” CBS should have named it “Twelve Jobs,” which would have better described the workload of the two or three doctors at this fictional Pittsburgh hospital.
Yes, the hardworking medical hunks are not just experts at transplanting hearts, kidneys, livers and probably hair plugs but, between transplants, they can out-diagnose Dr. House, work the ER like field surgeons and fly to various cities to surgically remove and deliver organs.
Because this all seemed insane, I contacted two friends of mine — a surgeon who transplants livers at the Mayo Clinic and a friend who recently had a transplant.
Let me be the first to inform you that there aren’t a whole lot of places on the earth where heart surgeons transplant livers, kidneys and you-name-it when business gets slow.
That aside, this run-of-the-medical-mill drama is peopled by the usual suspects: Dr. Sophia Jordan (Alfre Woodard), the serious head of the unit; handsome, womanizing surgeon, Dr. David Lee (Daniel Henney); wisecracking, lead surgeon with a heart of gold Dr. Andy Yablonski (Alex O’Loughlin); the troubled doc, Dr. Miranda Foster (Katherine Moennig); the nurse who knows more than the doctors, Pam Acosta (Justina Machado); and, of course, the young rookie Ryan Abbott (Christopher J. Hanke).
Sunday night’s debut episode involves a woman who rushes her hubby to the ER with a cut hand, and suddenly discovers that she herself needs a heart transplant; an African refugee who also needs a new heart — not to mention medical insurance; and a kid who eats tweezers. (He doesn’t need a heart but probably needs his eyebrows done.)
Meanwhile, falling off a scaffold in Cleveland is a construction worker with organs ripe for harvesting.
Three Rivers Hospital looks like the set from “Stargate,” with hologram walls and things they don’t even have at NASA, let alone in Pittsburgh.
Even if you did buy into that fantasy, how do you buy the one about the doctor admitting the guy into the hospital himself (registration not required) and then demanding he get a free heart transplant (medical insurance definitely not required). Quick! Somebody call the president and tell him to stop fighting because free medical care does exist in this country!
On the upside, Daniel Henney is the new handsomest man on TV and it’s a pleasure to watch him walk the halls in scrubs.
But even he can’t make me believe what “Three Rivers” is selling. For that, I’d need a brain transplant.