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Tiger’s ‘sorry’ statement a real bogey: experts

When it comes to public apologies, Tiger Woods sliced this one right into the rough.

From his wooden delivery to his sheepish schoolboy appearance, the world’s greatest golfer was a rank amateur yesterday in resurrecting his image with his first public comment since being branded a reckless philanderer, experts said.

“I have seen hostages look more relaxed and genuine than Tiger did,” said crisis-control expert Robert Zimmerman. “It looked like a parody from ‘Saturday Night Live.’ Nixon looked more relaxed when he resigned from office — and more remorseful.

“Every aspect of it — from the setting to his statement to his working the room when he left — had all the appearance of a hostage tape. I kept looking to see if his eyes would blink and he would send us a real message,” he added.

“It was contrived, and it didn’t reflect a genuine or thoughtful message.”

The tightly controlled surroundings — with just a group of confidants watching him stand at a podium in a dreary room — did Woods no favors, making him appear defensive and aloof.

“By talking about ‘my friends here,’ he divided himself from the audience that was watching by telling them, ‘You are less important,’ ” said Daniel Laufer, a marketing professor at Yeshiva University.

He said Woods’ “attack-the-media” approach also detracted from his apology.

“It doesn’t seem like a consistent message. It comes across as being as a false apology,” he said.

Woods’ stammering reading of a prepared speech made it seem he played no role in its writing and came off as deeply insincere, many said.

“The words he said were fine, but someone wrote this for him. He didn’t know the words. He was constantly looking down. His body language was very stiff, and his face was like stone. He didn’t show any emotion. You didn’t see contriteness,” said body-language expert Mary Dawne Arden.

“He had an awful deer-in-the-headlights look.”

She said Woods’ amateur-tour performance may have the exact opposite of its intended effect.

“This was too important for him not to prepare himself better,” Arden said. “He needed to show more respect for his public by preparing better for this. I think it could very well backfire on him, because I can’t imagine anyone who watched would feel he was sincere. I wish he hadn’t done it at all.”

While the public-relations push appeared to have failed miserably, experts said Woods did show he was serious about healing himself.

“This seems like something that was tremendously difficult for him to do, and that is part of the therapeutic process — accepting full responsibility for your actions, no matter how hard or embarrassing,” said psychologist Jeffrey Gardere.

But some habits are hard to shake.

“Even as he goes through the recovery process, Tiger is still Tiger, and there has always been an issue of control, trying to control his image and demeanor in public,” Gardere added.

And for all his efforts to display a united front with his friends and family, the conspicuous absence of his wife, Elin Nordegren, was met with mixed reviews.

“At first, I thought he should have had her by his side, but afterward I realized she just would have been a distraction because all we would have been talking about was her reaction,” said Mark Macias, author of “Beat The Press: Your Guide to Managing the Media.” “The message today was supposed to be about Tiger. She definitely would have distracted from his overall message.”

Judging his stance

He may be able to drill 20-foot putts with his eyes closed, but a panel of experts say Tiger Woods is a rank amateur when it comes to contrition.

PANEL

* Robert Zimmerman, crisis-control expert

* Mary Dawne Arden, body-language expert

* Dr. Daniel Laufer, professor of marketing at Yeshiva University

OVERALL GRADES

Zimmerman: F (with mandatory summer school and detention)

Arden: D

Laufer: D

APPEARANCE

“He looked like an adolescent who was forced to wear a jacket. He was clearly not comfortable in his clothes, and the set looked like a YouTube video.” — Zimmerman

“It was very intentional, in order to emphasize that this was a very solemn moment. That wasn’t problematic.” — Laufer

AUDIENCE

“The room looked like they were a bunch of dress extras brought in from central casting. There was no rationale for why they were there. They didn’t add anything to the message.” — Zimmerman

“I don’t think that helped at all. His mother looked very angry. Crossing your arms is a very defensive posture. She looked like she was very unhappy with what he was saying.” — Arden

ELIN’S ABSENCE

“I think his wife should have been there. That she wasn’t was a big boo-boo. He should not have done this press conference until she was ready to be there with him and show her support.” — Arden

“Her being there would have helped a lot. From the standpoint of the public accepting the apology, if the wife accepts it, it goes a very long way.” — Laufer

BUDDHISM

“The issue of faith got lost because he demonstrated so little credibility with the rest of his message.” — Zimmerman

“There is a large segment of the population who are religious and believe in redemption through religion, so this should work for him.” — Laufer

lukas.alpert@nypost.com