Walk into a local Starbucks this time of year, and you’re encroaching on a space of cult-like worship. “We ♥ PSL,” the main chalkboard reads with cryptic enthusiasm.
For the uninitiated, “PSL” is Starbucks-ese for “Pumpkin Spice Latte.” Order one, and the barista behind the cash register smiles for an extra beat.
When his colleague pushes it over the back counter minutes later, calling out your name and “Pumpkin Spice Latte,” his tone has a sultry enthusiasm that suggests you’re in for something real special. If he breaks into a sexy voice and adds, “Oh yeah, baby, you’ll like that,” don’t be surprised.
Starbucks introduced the Pumpkin Spice Latte in 2003. Now, 10 years later, the cloying concoction has reached mythic levels. It’s Starbucks’ most popular seasonal beverage ever, with more than 200 million sold. (Take that, Eggnog Latte.) Fans enthusiastically tweet about its arrival and their indulgences, and it’s spawned countless imitations. The PSL and its progeny now blight the crisp, beautiful fall season with a manic overabundance of sickly sweet and irrational flavor combos.
It’s time to stop the madness. Pumpkin has become the flavor equivalent of James Franco — overexposed, ever-present, popping up in places it has no business being and, frankly, not as appealing as it once was. Enough!
The PSL isn’t tasty. The predominant flavor is a mouth-coating sweetness that sends your tongue lashing about as if possessed by Miley Cyrus. There’s a hint of spice and something that might be conceived of as pumpkin, and a too-quick endnote of coffee that hardly justifies the “latte” in the name.
Not surprisingly, the PSL doesn’t actually contain any pumpkin. Per a Starbucks spokeswoman, it’s made from steamed milk, the “unmistakable spices of fall” (cinnamon, nutmeg and clove) and “pumpkin-flavored sauce,” but no actual pumpkin. Mmmm . . . wholesome harvest goodness.
Lack of pumpkin, subtlety and balance aside, the beverage has had quite an influence on the food and beverage world. This year, McDonald’s entered the PSL market with the creatively named McCafé Pumpkin Spice Latte. According to a Golden Arches spokesman, it’s “part of McDonald’s ongoing efforts to evolve its menu with more great-tasting, relevant food and beverage choices.” Yum!
Tim Hortons has introduced an entire line of “pumpkin pie” beverages, including a pumpkin pie white hot chocolate and pumpkin pie white mocha. (A gross offshoot of the pumpkin trend has been pairing it with white chocolate, the lame cousin of the chocolate family.)
At Dunkin’ Donuts, there’s pumpkin iced coffee and pumpkin white chocolate lattes — perfect with a pumpkin pie donut. Brew pub Flatiron Hall has a boozy “pumpkin latte” on the menu made with espresso tequila, rum, and pumpkin Irish cream — in case you’re interested in having a hangover laced with autumnal cheer.
Even jokes about “pumpkin spice” are getting old. In early September, comedian Elijah Daniel tweeted that “if you say ‘pumpkin spice latte’ in the mirror 3 times, a white girl in yoga pants will appear & tell you all her favorite things about fall.” The joke went viral, popping up in countless places around the Web, so much so that Daniel later apologized for it, tweeting, “It is literally everywhere and has become the most annoying thing on the Internet.”
Worse than the proliferation of sugary, supposedly “pumpkin” beverages is the vile flavor popping up in places that it belongs in even less than a latte.
For the past few years, Hershey’s has sold a pumpkin spice Kiss that’s an insult to its tasty, traditional milk chocolate counterparts. Made from white chocolate and an unfortunate shade of orange, it tastes like a cheap autumn candle.
M&M has introduced a more appealing pumpkin spice candy that tastes similar to the original M&Ms, with a hint of cinnamon spice reminiscent of Mexican chocolate. Sadly, they can only be purchased at Target — pumpkin spice is exclusive like that.
Last year, Kellogg’s even sold pumpkin pie-flavored Pringles. Perhaps wisely, they’re not doing them this year, but you can still get Pecan Pie Pringles and Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts and Pumpkin Spice Eggo waffles, of course.
Meanwhile, Trader Joe’s thinks orange is the new black. Nearly every aisle features a pumpkin product gleefully labeled “here for the season.” There are pumpkin croissants, pumpkin crackers, pumpkin butters, multiple pumpkin baking mixes and even pumpkin Greek yogurt.
It sounds gross, but there’s a reason for the madness. PSL’s appeal stems from a uniquely American nostalgia for a simpler, more wholesome way of life, says Cindy Ott, author of “Pumpkin: The Curious History of an American Icon.”
“There’s no practical reason to put pumpkin in a cup of coffee,” says Ott, who is also an associate professor of American Studies at Saint Louis University. “Pumpkin represents natural goodness and has deep associations of rural life, rural nostalgia.” I see her point. Even though I disdain PSL, I have fallen under the magical spell of the pumpkin. A few weeks back, I purchased more of the rotund gourds than I could easily haul home from a Long Island farm stand. A strange, happy harvest feeling fell over me as I arranged them on my dining table last weekend — but I have no plans to drink them.