My boyfriend has a house on an island, and he’s going out there for five weeks. He extended the invite to his single girl friends — and not me. They are taking him up on his offer knowing that he has a girlfriend. I want to be open and rational about it, but I just don’t think it’s appropriate. Do you?
— Anonymous
No. And the fact that he didn’t even invite you? Very hurtful and inappropriate. Call me old-fashioned (or controlling), but I don’t even think it’s OK for him to have single “girl friends” — especially ones he feels compelled to invite to an island for a weekend getaway without you. My boyfriend doesn’t have single girl friends that he talks to alone, and I don’t have single guy friends that I talk to alone. It’s a respect thing because guys have only one thing on their mind: sex.
I know what some of you might be thinking: What about trust? If you trust him, what’s the big deal? Again, guys have a one-track mind. His intentions could be innocent, and he could very well be in love with you, but I’m sure they’ll have a few drinks at some point, which never helps in the hands-off department. One thing could lead to the next . . . and who knows? Plus, he didn’t even invite you, which makes me question his devotion to you in the first place. If I were you, I’d be just as concerned with that.
If you and your relationship mean anything to him, he wouldn’t knowingly put himself in a situation where he’ll be alone with two single girls — platonic or not. He’s just asking for trouble. Plus, at the end of the day, you’re not feeling comfortable about the situation, and your feelings and comfort level should be a priority to him, so don’t be afraid to let him know that.
My girlfriend claims she’s on the pill, but I never see her taking it. Is there any way to bring this topic up tactfully?
— Adam, 32, Williamsburg
I understand your concern: Having a baby is a really big responsibility. I’m on the pill, and the thought of having a baby right now scares the cajones out of me. I mean, I have a hard time waking up in the middle of the night to let my dogs out!
That said, I don’t always take my pill in front of my boyfriend. So just because you don’t see her take it, doesn’t mean she isn’t doing so behind closed doors.
If you don’t live together and aren’t physically with each other 24/7, how would you know?
Most women, myself included, have pretty regimented beauty and health routines, and I can’t imagine you’re privy to every little thing she does to care for herself. (I mean, do you watch her go to the bathroom?!)
The foundation of any strong relationship is trust. If you don’t have that then you don’t have anything, and probably shouldn’t be relying on just the pill for protection. (In other words: Use a condom.)
If you must, bring it up casually. Maybe tell her you’re considering taking a daily vitamin in the new year, but are afraid you won’t remember to take it every day.
Ask her for tips, seeing as she takes the pill every day, then monitor her reaction to your inquiry. Did she tense up or divulge without hesitation? Whatever she tells you will give you a clue as to when she supposedly takes it so you can catch her in the act (or not) and calm your nerves.
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