Someday, when gay Americans enjoy full equality, we can all hope their sexuality will finally stop being used as fodder for dopey, hopelessly contrived dramas like “I Do.”
David W. Ross, who also wrote the syrupy screenplay, quickly becomes unbearably smarmy as a British fashion photographer living in Manhattan. After his brother gets killed in the dumbest car accident ever filmed (he squats in traffic at night to look for his keys), he becomes a substitute father for his brother’s daughter. Meanwhile, he marries a lesbian in a fake marriage to get a green card.
These names sound so ancient I feel like I’m mentioning Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, but the two women are played by Alicia Witt (the sister-in-law) and Jamie-Lynn Sigler (the lesbian buddy). Also in the mix is a handsome Spaniard (Maurice Compte) who offers a new perspective to our hero.
Drippy, soapy and earnest, lurching from one predictable twist to another, “I Do” is a sham drama about a sham marriage. It’s so lackluster I don’t even want there to be a record of my having seen it. Can I get an annulment?