Elvis Maduro hasn’t brought a woman home in three years. It’s not for lack of prospects or because he’s a slob or still has posters of Britney Spears or Sports Illustrated swimsuit models on the walls. It’s because the 28-year-old insurance salesman lives in a one-bedroom apartment in the Bronx — with his mother.
So when does he imagine that he’ll bring home a girl who might stay the night?
“Never,” says Maduro, who sleeps on the couch. “We’re in a shoe box. So it isn’t a comfortable situation to bring anyone into.”
Tiffany Lewis, of the South Bronx, is luckier. At least her South Bronx apartment has two bedrooms, one of which is occupied by her father. She says her dad’s nothing like Robert De Niro in “Meet the Parents,” but that hasn’t stopped some of her boyfriends from feeling as queasy as Ben Stiller, even though all pops does is say hello and go back to his room.
Lewis’ father is so comfortable with her dating that he once asked her to bring home the bouncer she was dating, so she wouldn’t have to go out late at night to meet her beau after work.
And yes, “I have had sex when my father is there in the house,” says Lewis, 29. But, “he’s a deep sleeper so we don’t worry about it too much.”
Not that everything is perfect. After her bouncer boyfriend spent the night a few times, Lewis noticed a change in her father. The next day would be filled with awkward silences. “There was a cooling off period with my dad,” she says. “But I understood. It was a natural reaction.”
When your roommates are your parents, such negotiations and limits on dating are typical. And more and more New Yorkers are bumping up against this sticky social challenge. Some 30 percent of residents aged 25-29 in the New York City region moved back in with their parents between 2007-2009, according to a recent study by the US2010 project. But even as the arrangement becomes more commonplace, it remains sensitive.
“One of the issues is being able to differentiate from your parents,” says Cheryl Donald, a marriage and family therapist with a practice in Park Slope, Brooklyn. “When you live with your parents, you can feel like less of an adult.”
That’s not quite the issue for Lewis and Maduro.
Lewis inherited her rent-stabilized apartment from her mother, who died when she was 19. She reestablished relations with her estranged father after her mother’s death and invited him to share her home. Maduro lived on his own in Pennsylvania and Atlanta before returning home when his mother fell on hard times.
In their homes, they make the rules, but that doesn’t mean those rules are easy to follow.
“Even though I pay the bills, I’m still on the couch,” says Maduro. “So I feel like I don’t have my stuff together, even if I do. But women understand. They know that a lot of other people are in the same situation.”
Donald says most of the dating issues adults have while living with their parents revolve around sex. She has a solution for daters like Maduro, who don’t allow company, and Lewis, whose father feels prickly about overnight visitors:
“Hotels,” she says. “You’re saving money living at home, so maybe once a month, get a nice hotel in Manhattan somewhere and make a date out of it.”
Just make sure to tell the folks not to wait up.