THE WRITE STUFF: Kate White’s new book provides insight on tough-to-navigate career topics: how to ask for a raise, finding the right mentor and more. (Michael Sofronski)
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It’s easy to think of Kate White as a modern-day Moses, shepherding women through the seven signs they’re ready to pull a Blake Lively, the 13 easy ways to beat a bad hair day and the 30 things you need to do to a naked man.
As editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan for 14 years, White held sway over one of the most successful magazines in publishing, shaping the content to suit the tastes of new waves of 18-to-34-year-old women.
But White’s closing the book on all that, having just retired from Cosmo to focus on her writing — she’s the author of a series of mystery novels — her motivational speaking and a digital-media business.
As if she’s not busy enough, on top of that, she just published a career guide aimed at women, “I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know.”
“We’ve made incredible strides, but I think there are challenges that women face that are not the same for men,” says White, 61.
“I think sometimes we can still have that good-girl tendency not to grab the seat next to the boss at a meeting or not to talk on that project,” she adds. “We sometimes worry about what other people will think. I think men are maybe not as prone to that.”
In the spirit of Cosmo’s famous lists, @work chatted with White to get her 10 best ways women can get ahead in the working world:
1. Ask wisely: It’s not enough to ask for what you want. You have to ask for it the right way.
First, understand that asking for something is not a punishable offense.
“We’re afraid we’re going to be seen as too greedy or they’re not going to like us,” White says. “So you have to know that they’re not going to think bad things about you.”
Second, don’t personalize the request.
“You have to do it in a very neutral way — not emotional,” White says. “Sometimes women make it too personal. They think in some way it’ll make it a little easier.”
So don’t frame your request as a response to your husband being out of work or around a sky-high mortgage for your new apartment.
Third, demonstrate your value: Bring a list of your accomplishments, and show how you’re investing yourself in the company. Chances are your boss doesn’t know the half of it.
“Don’t make it, ‘You owe me.’ Make it about, ‘Here are some things I’ve done,’ ” White says.
2. Show me the money: Your starting salary is the base from which future earnings grow, so women who don’t ask for as much as they can get from the get-go are literally giving away money.
“You have to ask for what you want in terms of salary,” White says. “Everything builds on that.”
3. Protect your family: You don’t have to give an inch for your boss to take a mile. Ol’ Ebenezer is perfectly willing to occupy your family time like a drummer in Zuccotti Park unless you hold on to it.
“People have to be willing to set some boundaries,” White says.
But she says that doesn’t mean you have to storm into your office like Norma Rae.
“If your boss is e-mailing you all evening or calling you, you can test the waters and show that these are the times you get back to the person,” adds White, saying women with more seniority will have better results by taking this Pavlovian approach.
Set a pattern where you respond to calls and e-mails before the next morning — but not during family time between 7 and 11 p.m., for example.
4. Don’t preemie your maternity leave: You don’t have to be Sarah from the Book of Genesis to know that three months doesn’t necessarily get the job done when it comes to bonding with your newborn.
So why not ask for more? Your wish might be granted — but only if you go about it strategically.
“You might be able to negotiate more than you think,” White says.
For example, try asking for four months with the proviso you’ll be available by phone for the last four weeks.
No matter what you ask, your chances of getting it are better if you ask as far in advance as possible — bosses don’t like surprises.
But when you’re gone, don’t allow others to nick your responsibilities.
“Let people know you’re available if they need you,” White says.
5. Cultivate a mentor: Although a mentor/protégée relationship can happen “organically,” most mentors have to be courted, according to White.
“You almost have to adopt the person without them knowing it,” she says.
Select a would-be Master Po and do some research. Then approach her — or him — at a networking event and strike up a conversation: Quiz her on something she’s written. Ask her to elaborate on something she said. And finish things up by asking for a business card so you can get in touch down the road.
“Then you have to set up a relationship so you’re not just asking the person for stuff. Send them a link of an article you’ve read, and stay in touch that way,” says White.
6. Do not confuse mentors with sponsors: Mentors provide valuable advice, but sponsors provide valuable introductions at companies where you may wish to work.
A person can be both, but usually it’s a one-or-the-other situation — so save the weapons-grade angst for your mentor. Keep it professional with a sponsor.
“Sponsors open doors for you and become your advocate. You don’t want your sponsor to know some of the down-and-dirty stuff about you — the professional agonizing you might be doing,” White says.
Again, you have to overcome your reluctance to ask a sponsor for what you want.
“The worst that could happen is the person could say, ‘I don’t really feel comfortable. I don’t know you that well,’ ” says White.
7. Turn “bitch envy” into a mirror: While it might be tempting to fashion a voodoo doll for the office Ms. Perfect, White says it’s important to dig into the reasons why you’re having such spasms of jealousy.
“Envy is such an ugly emotion,” she says. “What we tend to do is ignore that it’s envy and try to make it more about that girl being a bitch or the stupid choices she’s making.”
“Redirect it back at yourself,” White adds. “What’s it telling me about me? Should I be out networking so I can find another job? It’s great when you can flip it around and let it shed a light on you as opposed to trying to pretend it’s something else.”
8. Project power, not provocation: It’s important you show people you’re all that — without alienating them in the process — so pay close attention to your body language.
“You want to have great posture. Avoid a lot of pacifying gestures where you’re touching your hair or your face,” White says. “You want to walk into a room like you own it, but you also want to be sensitive to people around you.
It’s a fine line to walk, she adds, because you have to be aware some people can feel threatened.
“Just pick up whether you might be intimidating somebody,” she says.
9. Don’t be a shrinking violet in a new job: White says women often suffer a crisis of confidence after landing a new job or securing a promotion.
“I do believe there’s something I call ‘sudden promotion syndrome’ where women think, ‘I’m in over my head,’ while a guy might think, ‘Hey, it’s a nice stretch for me,’ ” White says.
Get over it and get visible, she advises, or it might sabotage your future.
“You need to be asking the boss exactly what she expects as opposed to waiting for her to tell you,” White continues. “Try to do one fairly big thing early on that impresses your boss and makes him or her feel relieved and excited that they hired you.”
10. Educate your instincts: White describes her approach to running Cosmo as intuition backed by an avalanche of inquiry.
“I’m a big believer in going with my gut, but I also thought of it as an educated gut and I did a ton of research,” she says.
How so? She held focus groups. She hired a person to consult on the interests of her Gen X and Gen Y readers. She received a Twitter report. She rated “every single thing” in the magazine.
“When you gather info, you discover things may not be exactly as you think they are — and that your gut is based on faulty info,” White says.