New York celebrity-divorce lawyer Nancy Chemtob is used to getting eccentric requests from her well-heeled clientele. But even she was taken aback when a bride-to-be demanded compensation for sex in the prenup she was drafting.
Trying to get this clause in “was the wife saying this is how she wants something back,” recalls Chemtob, who handled Michael Douglas’ high-profile divorce from his former wife Diandra.
While the wife’s pay-to-play scheme never made it into the final contract, there are plenty of nutty demands Chemtob has put into writing. Among them: “No piano playing while the husband is home,” “Wife not allowed to cut her hair” and “If the wife were to get pregnant, she’d have to have an abortion. He was in his 40s but didn’t want to have more kids. That was one of the craziest,” she says.
Welcome to the new world of extreme prenups, where eccentric altar-bound New Yorkers are upping their ultimatums.
Look at Rosie O’Donnell, whose recent marriage to Michelle Rounds included an 11th-hour extreme prenup, Page Six reported, with “grueling” back-and-forth negotiations including a clause that if Rounds were to cheat, she’d get nothing in a divorce.
Makes sense to Vivienne Lee, a 27-year-old freelance writer from SoHo. Before her July 2011 wedding, the ghost of a previous unfaithful boyfriend still haunted her.
“I was cheated on [before], so I added in a clause that said if he cheated on me, I’d get more money,” she says of the prenup she and her developer hubby signed.
In the event of divorce, Lee would receive $100,000, “but if he cheated I’d get $140,000,” she says. “It was important for me to include it because it shows he’s serious about being faithful.”
Robert Nachshin, who’s been a celebrity matrimonial lawyer for 30 years, has seen double the amount of so-called “lifestyle clause” requests in the past five years.
“They try to include every whim they have, and they’re getting more and more creative,” he says.
One of the more extreme whims he’s seen stated: “If husband is rude or cruel to wife’s parents, husband agrees to pay $10,000 for each infraction.” Another: “If I become pregnant, husband agrees to pay wife $50,000 for carrying each child.”
“This is no longer the province of the wealthy; you’d be shocked who gets them now: a schoolteacher, a guy who has a refrigeration business,” says Raoul Felder, a well-established New York matrimonial lawyer.
Felder, who’s drawn up more than 1,000 prenups, has worked on his share of kooky compacts. “Each one is like a little soap opera,” he says.
One recent clause stipulated: “We’re going to have a smoke-free household.” Then there was the arrangement to go to the Rice Diet Program facility every year and one which had a ban on having a TV set in the house.
Ann Carrozza, a New York attorney who works with high-end clients, insists there’s no relationship between wealth and neuroses, though based on some of her prenups, it makes one wonder: “The husband had an unfortunate situation with his former wife, who was morbidly obese — even after gastric bypass,” explains Carrozza of the lifestyle clause for a couple on their second marriage.
The terms stated if the wife’s weight exceeds 170 pounds, she forfeits her $10,000 “allowance.” Moreover, “In the event that Husband’s weight exceeds 240, he agrees to pay Wife $10,000.”
Who said romance was dead?
“I think they’re ridiculous,” says Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker” host Patti Stanger of the extreme prenups, particularly aiming her venom at the weight clause.
“The uber-wealthy do this to keep their wife in skinny-ville,” she says. “I’ve seen marriages dissolve on the skinny clause. New York is getting a hold of this, and the men think this is a safety net to ensure skinny.”
The matchmaking maven shudders when she hears about former clients and their oppressive prenups. “One woman wasn’t allowed to wear the color green, or else he’d destroy [the item],” she says.
“One man dictates four home-cooked meals a week or the wife loses her shopping allowance in New Jersey,” says Stanger.
“I’ve seen a prenup in reverse — where the wife is in the power seat, stipulating that he comes home by a certain time. Some women believe these prenups keep their husbands in check. Other women love it because they get shopping money when the husband cheats.”
Marriage mediator Laurie Israel, of Brookline, Mass., believes thinking you need a prenup is “dangerous and it wrecks marriages,” calling lawyers who accommodate lifestyle clauses “irresponsible.”
“These kinds of clauses are usually associated with someone who is very insecure or who has had a bad situation in the past,” says longtime lawyer Lynne Gold-Bikin. “I’ve seen different types of extreme clauses that state the wife cannot look at another man or talk to anyone she went to high school or college with. In my opinion these are just outrageous. They undermine a marriage rather than support it.”
Marcy Kaplan-Gold was so haunted by her 2001 wedding and prenup saga that she made a short film about the experience, fittingly titled “The Pre-nup.”
“I went through the most horrific prenup experience imaginable; I had to make that film,” says the 44-year-old former actress, who’s married to Hollywood producer Eric Gold.
Prenup talk surfaced after eight months of dating, and “about eight weeks after I got engaged a FedEx guy rings my doorbell holding a 102-page document.” She adds, “I was literally planning my wedding and planning my divorce at the same time, going from bridesmaid dress fittings to lawyer meetings.”
Ten years later, though, and the couple is still married.
“After all these years,” she says, “Eric softened, and apologized.”
Still, some New Yorkers believe that a successful marriage needs established ground rules.
As freelance writer Lee, the new bride, says, “These clauses may seem very cold and unromantic, but I feel that it is part of establishing the framework of the most important joint venture anyone will embark upon.”
And supporters say the bonds of matrimony ultimately stick: “Out of all of our prenups, 90 percent are still married,” says Chemtob, “but I do see a lot of tears before the signing.”