Metro

Hey, Post: ‘You ruined my life’

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We’ve been dumped!

On paper, Larry Greenfield is the catch of the millennium. At 47, the never-married retired trader from Plainview, LI, is a millionaire many times over. Standing 6-foot-2, he still has his hair (well, some of it). He also has no evident facial blemishes or concealed “Mother’’ tattoos.

And Larry craves to be married. To a woman.

He’s spent $65,000 on high-end matchmakers over the last 12 years and gone on 250 dates, all bores and fatties. His goal is to find a pretty, thin, Jewish (that one’s negotiable), barefoot, pregnant lady who’ll fuss over Larry while cooking his dinner.

The catch: Mrs. Larry can’t be too opinionated, successful or alpha to compete with this insatiably demanding yutz.

Did I mention that Larry was stinking rich?

But because The Post’s Tara Palmeri broke the news that Larry was seeking a mate, the ungrateful perma-bachelor won’t return our calls, e-mails, texts or smoke signals.

He said, “You’ve ruined my life!’’ I can take a hint.

We have been used, abused, and tossed into the Dumpster like last night’s bimbo.

Larry has thrown us over, without so much as a peck on the cheek and cab fare home. He hasn’t the decency to recite the classic brushoff line, “It’s not you — it’s me!’’

Larry, oh, Larry — what did we do wrong?

It seems Larry Greenfield suffers from an affliction that’s risen to an art form among thousands of successful, fit, single New York men of a certain age: He’s picky.

Not just picky. Larry finds flaws that are invisible to the naked eye. Like the time he was set up with a Knicks City Dancer, a seemingly perfect fit for a man so shallow that he once threw over an attractive woman by saying her looks were “terrible.’’

Larry was brought to The Post’s attention by matchmaker Janis Spindel, who suggested he needed professional media help, a bad sign. Why can’t New York men get out of bed without the aid of a publicist?

Spindel told me that Larry suffers from the “40-year-old curse.’’ After the fourth decade, men are so hard to please, they might as well curl up with their cats. She wouldn’t take his money.

“He needs an amazingly sweet, maternal, pretty, Jewish, thin, nurturing, Long Island-type of woman,’’ Spindel said.

One woman who tried to nab him looked cute in a picture. He rejected her.

“If her butt is bigger than she is, Larry’s not going to be interested.’’

What to do? One attractive, thin, non-alpha Greenwich Village woman cast off by Larry was Maxine Gordon, a 44-year-old executive-search consultant and comedienne. She went out with him —for drinks, not dinner. Bad. He never called again.

“I’m getting very concerned about New York,’’ Gordon told me. “A lot of guys are like Larry. Kind of confused, I think. It’s very tiring, Andrea! I’d really like to meet someone and have a family. If I’m too old, I would adopt. I don’t want to come off as desperate . . .”

Then there’s the pretty 40-year-old we tried to set up with Larry. “I’m looking for a nice guy and that seems too hard to find,’’ Long Island high-school teacher Kimberly Brody, 40, told The Post. She fit Larry’s fussy need for a non-alpha female. “He is describing me.’’

He never called.

Neediness is scarier to men than warts, said Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein. They wrote the bible on playing hard-to-get — “The Rules’’ — and the upcoming “Not Your Mother’s Rules,’’ with tips on being a bitch on Twitter and text.

“He’s going to marry the woman who doesn’t give him the time of day,’’ said Schneider.

“He wants a girl he has to hustle to get, not one who serves herself up on a silver platter,’’ said Fein.

A friend of Larry’s told me that since we introduced the world to Larry, he’s gotten calls and e-mails from unacceptable gals. One was too old. Another not pretty enough. He was upset we didn’t provide him with a larger pool of women to reject.

This may be why Larry Greenfield has been single so long. Some guys just can’t be pleased. We tried.

Clueless critics rap the terror busters

Bangladeshi college student Quazi Mohammad Rezwanul Ahsan Nafis was busted last week in an alleged plot to cripple the US economy, stop the presidential election and murder Americans by blowing up New York’s Federal Reserve Bank.

“I want something big . . . very, very, very, very big,” Nafis, 21, allegedly told an undercover agent in Central Park, “that will make us one step closer to run the whole world.”

But the FBI, working with the NYPD, supplied the idiot with phony explosives. A big hand to authorities.

They got no support from the Associated Press, which won a Pulitzer this year for articles slamming a police operation that kept an eye on schools and mosques that breed monsters like Nafis. And The New York Times wrote that the feds have come under “criticism” — by whom? — for playing along with morons like Nafis as they hatch diabolical plots.

Thankfully, so-called journalists don’t run anti-terror squads.

Baldwin loses in NY

They don’t understand him. I do.

Alec Baldwin, the bully who stalked me on Twitter and attacked smaller photographers as he married a supple yogi with an idiot streak, is not wanted by city voters.

Sixty-six percent of New Yorkers preferred that Alec, dear, demented Alec, stick with acting rather than run for mayor next year, as he’s threatened to do, according to a NY1-Marist College poll. He scored worse than genitally obsessed ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner (58 percent said “no’’) and hooker-happy ex-Gov. Eliot Spitzer (57 percent).

But 18 percent want to experience the fear and comedy of seeing depraved Alec lurking in City Hall. There’s hope!

Teach Taliban about equality

Malala Yousufzai (inset), the 14-year-old Pakistani girl shot in the head by Taliban thugs for speaking out for girls’ education, inspired the Global Education Program of the UN to change its name to IAmMalala.org.

Sign an online petition and rise up against the beasts who gravely injured this girl. And push for the education of 61 million females denied schooling worldwide. It’s time to continue the work of a child nearly killed for her devotion to learning.

O creates a dirty ‘O’ word: Optimal

President Obama’s sensitivity wasn’t exactly optimal last week when he used the “O” word to describe the deaths of four diplomats in Libya. Now he’ll have to defend it in tonight’s debate on foreign policy, which had once been seen as a strength for him.

I guess you could say his timing wasn’t “optimal.”