After electrifying the world with her magnificent Alexander McQueen-sheathed bottom, Pippa Middleton appears to be aiming for mediocrity.
In her new entertaining book, “Celebrate,” out next Tuesday, the royal sister-in-law comes off as more down-market Sandra Lee than upscale perfectionist Martha Stewart.
Looking to produce macabre thrills for a Halloween soiree? Pippa is brimming with cheesy ideas for ho-hum fare and goofy tablescapes.
FIVE THINGS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN PIPPA’S BOOK
Among her suggestions: Use ketchup as a stand-in for “fake blood” when garnishing plates, or stick lollipops into a pumpkin as a centerpiece (guests can then take the lollipops home as parting gifts — simply smashing!).
And then there’s her piece de resistance — a lime Jell-O mold made with “spooky” gummy worms reminiscent of Lee’s infamous corn-nut-strewn Kwanzaa cake.
PHOTOS: PIPPA’S LIFE IN THE PUBLIC EYE
“The steps can be repeated again with different coloured jellies,” writes Pippa, “to create an impressive layer effect.”
For all this treacle — most of which could be gleaned by reading an issue of “Family Circle,” circa 1982 — publisher Viking reportedly paid Pippa a staggering advance sum of $600,000.
Her alleged credentials, of course, stem from her part-time work in her family’s online party-planning business, Party Pieces, where her duties include editing “The Party Times” blog. It was from this demanding two-day-a-week schedule that she took leave to write her “comprehensive guide to home entertaining.”
“It’s a bit startling to achieve global recognition (if that’s the right word) before the age of thirty, on account of your sister, your brother-in-law and your bottom,” she writes in the introduction to “Celebrate.”
“One day, I might be able to make sense of this. In the meantime, I think it’s fair to say that it has its upside and its downside. I certainly have opportunities many can only dream of, but in most ways I’m a typical girl in her twenties trying to forge a career and represent herself in what can sometimes seem rather strange circumstances.
“I am by nature an optimist, so I tend to concentrate on the advantages. One of the most attractive has been the chance to publish ‘Celebrate.’ ”
At least Pippa, 29, admits that being little sis to the future queen comes with its own set of nepotistic perks. After all, this is the young woman who had the brilliant idea to serve “bacon butties” — fried bacon and brown sauce on bread — at Kate and Will’s disco-themed wedding after-party.
Less honest is her insistence that she’s just a “typical girl.”
Take, for instance, her tortured explanation for roasting marshmallows: “Spear marshmallows on long-handled forks or clean sticks that have been soaked in water for a few hours, and then pile them up in baskets to roast over the flames.”
Poor Pippa. Even tasks suitable for small children require a great deal of mental effort.
But wait, there’s more!
“They are also delicious in a warming mug of hot chocolate,” she elaborates. (“Just put those funny white blobs in your cocoa, Bertie. Really, it’s jolly good!”)
One imagines the socialite would have a far easier time giving tips on how to construct a strapless party dress out of a roll of toilet paper — just like the one she was photographed cavorting in at a college party.
It certainly would have made for livelier prose.
In presumably not wanting to offend the royals, the jet-setting It girl is reduced to doling out family-friendly party advice that shows her clearly out of her depth.
For a DIY child’s-bowling party, she casually suggests using small drink bottles as pins. And filling them with “white gloss paint and a drop of paint thinner,” plus some gravel for heft.
Because nothing livens up a grade-school event like 10 paint bombs with a stony shrapnel surprise inside!
carla.spartos@nypost.com