Hondo performed a high dive off the top rung of the Bettor’s Guide ladder last week as he went 7-7 to fall four games behind Rico, who ascended to the top perch with an astounding 13-1 mark. (Sadly, though, O/U Rico had the under on his win total for the week so he lost that one.)
Nevertheless, on this special Thanksgiving edition of the BG, Mr. Aitch has much for which to be thankful — his health, his family, the devotion of HondoNation and that he didn’t get nipped to death last week, despite losing three games by a half-point. Sincere apologies to the football gods for whatever heinous act he committed that incurred their wrath.
Now that the groveling portion of the program has concluded, it’s time to pick up your knife and fork and dig into these tasty Thanksgiving morsels.
Jets over Patriots: Hondo has to lean to Gang Green with Rex going all humble before the big rumble. It has to be killing Mr. Bluster, but it’s the right move, especially with the Patriots Gronk-less and the Hoodie trying to justify why his regulars were risking injury with four minutes left and the Colts already being inhumanely destroyed 52-24.
The Jets would do well to recall Belicheat’s touching words after the Patriots blew out Gang Green last November at MetLife Stadium. “37 points against the best defense in the league,” he said as he put his arm around his son Stephen. “Bleep my bleep!” You stay sassy, Bill Belichick!
Texans over Lions: The underachievers on the Lions “D” won’t be able to stop the Schaub, who will beat ’em like a drumstick — a ninth straight bird-day defeat for Detroit.
Redskins over Cowboys: It’s a dead heat as to who is getting picked more — Romo or Jerry Jones’ nose. Count on seeing plenty of obligatory shots of Rob Ryan fuming as RG3 picks apart his inferior defense.
Packers over Giants: On with the show, this is it: Swooney Tunes continue for the Giants, who this week pinned the blame for their latest stretch of second-half misery on overconfidence and Eli’s tired arm. If shameless excuse-making isn’t enough to bring them down, a double-check of the discount for Mr. Rodgers and Co. reveals this a Tom V SuperSystem game (visiting ’dog getting less than three). Give thanks, take points.
Bengals over Raiders: The Bengwads no doubt are thankful this week for the opportunity to inflict pain on ex-teammate Carson “The Quitter” Palmer.
Steelers over Browns: Obama is thankful this year for both his LDM — LapDog Media — and Mitt Romney for not bringing up Benghazi during the last weeks of the campaign.
Colts over Bills: Joe Biden is grateful for his “homeboy” president, for the LDM because it ignored all his gaffes for the last 30 years, and for Paul Ryan, who let himself be pushed around throughout their debate.
Broncos over Chiefs: BarkingMut of SoBe says he heard Hostess execs plan to save the company by opening factories in the newly cannibus-legal states of Colorado and Washington. They expect their Twinkies, Snowballs, Ho-Hos and Drakes Cakes to be a big hit in the exploding munchies market.
Eliot “John” Spitzer says he won’t miss any of the Hostess products other than the Ho-Hos.
Titans over Jaguars: Rumor has it MSNBC’s Chris Matthews is working on a documentary about his favorite disasters. Included among them will be Hurricane Sandy because, as he put it, “I was so glad we had that storm” that helped get Obama re-elected; Hurricane Katrina, because it flooded Dubya with a deluge of bad press; the Haitian earthquake and the tsunami in Indonesia because it allowed Bill Clinton to spearhead relief efforts that made the ’Crats look good; and the Bubonic plague, because, while it killed 12,000,000, it didn’t wipe out his ancestors.
Vikings over Bears: It has been a busy week for Chris Christie, who in addition to doing his angry Jersey guy bit on “SNL” will be soaring above Sixth Avenue tomorrow during the parade.
Falcons over Buccaneers: Obama visited with Rev. Al Sharpton and other civil rights leaders at the White House to discuss the fiscal cliff talks. The tax-dodging Rev. talked about what happens when you go over the fiscal cliff, which in Al’s case means you get a TV show and get to hang with the President.
Dolphins over Seahawks: Hillary has been dispatched to the Middle East to help with the negotiations. Obama realizes she’s a lame duck, but not when it comes to evading sniper fire on a tarmac.
Chargers over Ravens: Paula Broadwell, the cheating, jealous and treacherous home-wrecker who helped bring down the decorated director of the CIA, has hired Glover Park Group, a PR firm, to clean up her image. That’s a huge undertaking, one that will require hammers, chisels, power washers, sand blasters, chainsaws and jackhammers. However, if successful, Glover Park will be able to land the account of every celebrity dirtbag in the country.
Saints over 49ers: Sex toy sales reportedly are way up in Canada because of the NHL strike. Apparently, the hockey-crazed fans don’t want to get called for hooking but need some help with their high-sticking in their lust to light the lamp by going five-hole, eh.
Cardinals over Rams: A colossal clash of NFC West dregs. Paul McCartney says it’s OK to watch turkeys, just don’t eat them.
Panthers over Eagles: The World’s Biggest Liar competition is under way in England. As part of the first-place prize, the winner gets to work with the White House on its final response to: Who changed the Benghazi talking points?
BEST BETS: Texans, Falcons,
Saints.
Happy Thanksgiving to all who reside in HondoNation!