Sports

Hondo’s feeling grand

(
)

Hondo sat out Black Friday but was all in on Dismal Sunday, going 3-8-1 and wrapping up the week with a Blezow-ishly brutal 5-9-2 mark. However, it could have been worse, as Paul “4-10-2” Schwartz surely would testify.

As for Week 13, first-time grandpa Mr. Aitch hopes to bounce back and make Emily Grace — his second-but-equal heir’s rugged 1-foot, 7-inch, 7-pound heiress — proud with the following:

Jets over Cardinals: There’s no reason to write up a Jets’ rear in review or make any cheeky comments here in the wake of The Great Arse Farce of 2012. Chances are that, with the butt fumble behind them, Sanchez, Moore and the rest of Gang Green have bottomed out. Thus, Hondo expects them to flex their glutes and flush the Cardinals.

If nothing else, the drubbing by the Patriots gave Rex Ryan an opportunity to give Sanchez another vote of confidence. The only person who gets as much protection from his boss as Sanchez is another grossly overpaid New Yorker, Matt Lauer, the $25M anchor who has Curry’d no favor at “Today.”

This just in: Sanchez and Moore have been voted to the Pro Bowel team.

“Two and a Half Men” star Angus T. Jones says please stop watching the Jets.

Bears over Seahawks: Chicago WR Brandon Marshall, commenting on players using PEDs, says some are using Viagra . That could be problematic in that it could tip off your opponent as to which way you’re going on pass patterns.

Vikings over Packers: Emauler Ed Buckmir says one way or another Lindsay Lohan has violated her parole, whether it was by Wednesday night’s alleged punchout of a woman in a club or by her performance in “Liz and Dick,” which critics say was borderline criminal.

49ers over Rams: House minority leader Nancy Pelosi said she has no intention of retiring even though she is 72 years old — and rightfully so. After all, her face is probably still only a teenager.

Chiefs over Panthers: Hondo’s second-but-equal heir points out that the Post Office may cut back to five work days per week, which not only would increase efficiency but also reduce everyone’s chances by one-sixth of being stamped out by someone going postal.

Lions over Colts: Ndamukong Suh doesn’t understand what all the fuss was about after he was caught kicking Texan QB Matt Schaub in the groin on Thanksgiving Day. The Lions’ cheap-shot artist says he was just doing his job — going for a sack.

If nothing else, The Suh Kick is becoming a Thanksgiving tradition that’s right up there with the turkey dinner, the Macy’s Parade and abandoning your family at night for some pre-Black Friday shopping.

Jaguars over Bills: Speaking of Black Friday, it’s good to see that sales reportedly were up significantly over last year, as they were with Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. In a related story, Slutty Wednesday at prestigious Stuyvesant High School remains very popular.

Dolphins over Patriots: Congrats to Doug Kennedy for becoming the latest member of the clan to beat the justice system after being found not guilty of child endangerment for an altercation with nurses at Northern Westchester Hospital (civil suit pending). Let’s face it: You’re not a real Kennedy until you’ve been acquitted of something.

Next on the Kennedy court docket is a Dec. 4 appearance for Kerry Kennedy, who no doubt will beat the rap for driving while impaired with drugs.

Texans over Titans: Chris Christie has a lot on his plate these days with the Sandy cleanup, a run for reelection in 2013 and his impending job as chairman of the Republican Governors Association in 2014. Nevertheless, there’s never a need to worry about the Jersey guv spreading himself too thin.

Broncos over Buccaneers: The honors keep rolling in for Jane Fonda, who was given something called the Visionary Award last week by the L.A. Press Club. Next up for the actress is a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Hanoi Press Club.

Ravens over Steelers: According to BarkingMut of SoBe, Plaxico Burress signed with the Steelers for two reasons: He really likes their retro, 1930s-style prison uniforms, and he wanted a second shot with his former team.

Browns over Raiders: More Mut: Jack Taylor may have beaten Wilt Chamberlain’s record of 100 points in a game by 38 last week, but the college chucker is still most likely about 19,990 behind the Big Dipper on the scoreboard that really counts.

Chargers over Bengals: WCBS-TV newscaster Rob Morrison, promoting an upcoming story Wednesday about Prince William and Kate Middleton, referred to them as the “d–che” and Duchess of Cambridge. That moves Rob into second place on the all-time local newsmen gaffe list — right behind Ernie “Keep F—–” Those Chickens” Anastos.

Eagles over Cowboys: The candidates for Time Magazine’s Person of the Year have been finalized. Among the nominees are SuperNanny Bloomberg for consistently being all up in everybody’s business; Pussy Riot and Sandra Fluke, whose votes may cancel each other out; the Higgs boson particle — accepting the award for the particle will be Mike Lupica; and Undocumented Immigrants, who had better be careful when they all come forward to accept the award. Immigration agents may be waiting to ship them out.

Redskins over Giants: As Aristotle used to say: One victory does not a turnaround make. The swoon resumes for 3 important reasons: RG3.

BEST BETS: 49ers, Lions, Ravens

LAST NIGHT: Saints (L)