It’s a jolly holiday all over the city — except on Broadway, where many of the theaters are stuffed with coal.
What a dreadful fall theater season!
The flops are piling up faster than wrapping paper on Christmas morning. Box-office receipts are wilting like mistletoe in January. And the critics are meaner than the Grinch. (Did you see those reviews for “Dead Accounts”?)
Oh — and Al Pacino’s still stumbling around in “Glengarry Glen Ross,” which by my count is now into its third year of previews.
Let’s hear it for Bloomberg’s Jeremy Gerard, the only critic who thumbed his nose at the “Glengarry” postponement. Gerard wasn’t buying the official line that, due to Hurricane Sandy, the cast needed nearly a month’s more rehearsal time. And he was right. My sources say it was Hurricane Al who insisted on the delay because he couldn’t get a handle on the play.
Noting that the producers are charging up to $377 for a seat during the protracted preview period, Gerard marched up to the box office, bought a ticket and filed a review last week.
His verdict: “stilted and self-conscious.”
The producers feared his review would trigger a stampede of critics. That didn’t happen; the critics are honoring the new opening date: Saturday. (Look for their reviews on Monday.)
Where’s the outrage, I wondered!
And then I spoke to one of those critics: “Please! I’ve sat through enough bad theater lately. I’m in no rush.”
He has a point.
“The Performers”?
Closed after seven performances.
“Chaplin”?
Closing Jan. 6 at a loss of nearly $10 million.
“Scandalous”?
I bow to no one in my admiration for Kathie Lee Gifford. She’s a plucky showbiz survivor. But those grosses! Just $370,000 last week.
Greece is in better fiscal shape.
(This just in: “Scandalous” closes Sunday.)
But it’s not all broken toys under the Christmas tree, and there are a couple of shows I can recommend for the holidays.
Top of my list — and tickets are available — is the Roundabout’s delightful revival of “The Mystery of Edwin Drood.”
The original 1985 production had a terrific cast — Betty Buckley, Cleo Laine, Howard McGillin and the late, great George Rose.
Rupert Holmes, who wrote the show, never thought he’d have a better cast. But the Roundabout came through with Jim Norton, Will Chase, Chita Rivera and Stephanie Block.
“I’ve now had two dream casts,” Holmes recently told me on the set of PBS’ “Theater Talk.”
As anyone reading this column surely knows, the audience decides who the murderer is at the end of “Drood,” which is based on Dickens’ last, unfinished novel. Holmes says the selection usually goes in cycles, with one cast member being chosen for a run of about a week or so before the cycle changes and someone else gets a turn.
Sometimes, though, an actor will do something on the sly to make sure he or she gets picked. During the run of the original production, an actress playing Rosa Budd was voted the murderer nearly every night.
Holmes noticed she was slipping a knife up her sleeve when no one else in the cast was looking.
The current cast, by the way, is recording the show this month. The album will feature — for the first time — all eight of the murderers’ confessions.
“Drood” is doing so well that the Roundabout has extended it until March 10.
Don’t miss out on the fun.
Let me also put in a good word for “The Holiday Guys,” a snappy and irreverent revue starring two Broadway vets, Jeffry Denman and Marc Kudisch. I love their bongo rendition of “Do You Hear What I Hear.” The show runs for two weeks starting Dec. 18 at the York Theater.
And for a slightly creepy Christmas show, there’s always “Sleep No More,” still going strong at the McKittrick Hotel down on West 27th Street. After Saturday night’s performance, the company is hosting the Carnival des Corbeaux, featuring musical and theatrical performances throughout the hotel, plus an open bar.
Happy — hiccup — holidays!