Entertainment

Colorado massacre new low for CNN

The decline of CNN as America’s go-to cable TV news network, its descent into another undignified, ratings-desperate cable truck stop, can be found in its treatment of big, breaking news, including the recent theater massacre in Colorado.

In February 2009, a plane crash in Buffalo that cost 50 lives was met by CNN with a sense of ghoulish, let’s-make-hay-on-this-one joy. CNN appeared to have spent more time exploiting the disaster to encourage viewers to stay tuned to CNN than actually reporting the story.

CNN’s revolting and relentless crash-related promos and teases, included one promising “Videos you probably haven’t seen before!”

Four months later, after news of Michael Jackson’s death hit, CNN was back at it, doing anything it could — anything — to hold an audience by pretending that it was way ahead of the story.

Wolf Blitzer introduced CNN “Entertainment Correspondent” Jim Moret, who reported that Jackson had not looked well, of late. CNN contributor JeffreyToobin agreed, noting that Jackson “looked frail” during his child molestation trial — four years earlier.

For crying out loud, Jackson had looked frail — pale, too — for the last 20 years!

Blitzer then introduced “Medical Correspondent” Elizabeth Cohen, telling us that she can “update us a little bit on cardiac arrest, how serious a condition this can be, especially for someone as frail as Michael Jackson.”

“That’s right, exactly,” said Cohen. “Cardiac arrest is an extremely serious condition. . .” Good grief.

CNN also interviewed a “psychic consultant,” who concluded that, “No reputable medium or psychic will try to contact Jackson for at least six months.”

Well, time’s up!

This month’s massacre in Colorado again provoked CNN to lead with its lowest, self-serving side.

Blitzer: “CNN has confirmed that the suspect told law enforcement that he dyed his hair red.”

That’s a bogus self-promotion of CNN. CNN confirmed what already had been reported? There was no good, honest reason to include “CNN” in such a report.

But news of the horror seemed to signal CNN to order its in-house drum-bangers to pound harder. Exploitive promos were furiously manufactured and shown, including one heard and seen on the Saturday afternoon after the carnage:

“Tragedy in Colorado! Latest on the suspect! Piers Morgan, Monday night, 9 o’clock Eastern!”

How CNN knew that Morgan would have the latest on the story, two and a half days later. . . And if he and CNN have that ability, why not tell us, say, right now?

After all, by Monday there might be a new tragedy for CNN to, er, deal with.

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Who knew? New TV Hanes underwear commercials starring Michael Jordan tell us that now that Hanes is making labelless underwear, one of life’s sustaining irritations has been eradicated.

Among even minor annoyances underwear labels make the cut?

One commercial shows a fellow in a movie theater who is prevented from “making moves” on his date because he’s busy fiddling with the partially exposed label on his undershirt. Jordan, seated a few rows back, frowns down on the scene.

I suspect that what Hanes now advertises as an innovative advantage to consumers is actually a cost-cutter for Hanes, as it’s cheaper to stamp labels on cloth than it is to sew them on. But good try!

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Good Try II: Quick, what’s another word for a fatty, unhealthy meal? How about “wholesome”?

A new McDonald’s ad features a fellow telling his mom about the breakfast he had: Eggs, bacon and pancakes. (Presumably, the pancakes aren’t eaten dry.)

The narrator then refers to this as a “wholesome breakfast.” Hmm. I guess that depends on what you’d normally have for breakfast. Everything’s relative!