This could have been the nonstory of the season:
Public Advocate and mayoral probable Bill de Blasio’s wife, Chirlane McCray, used to be an out and proud lesbian. Then she married stud muffin Bill in 1994 and — presto! — her sapphic stranglehold was magically cured.
Well, who am I to say it can’t happen?
Sexuality in New York City is pretty much a non-issue, at least when it comes to the conventional gay and straight kind. That holds true whether you’re talking about former Mayor Rudy Giuliani’s pair of gay roommates during his marital separation, or City Council Speaker Christine Quinn’s committed, wedded bliss to another woman.
So why is de Blasio protesting so much? Why is he behaving as if his head is ready to explode like an unglued Alec Baldwin — who happens to be de Blasio’s biggest fan?
Protesting way too much, Bill and Chirlane appeared all over TV and at the Rev. Al Sharpton’s National Action Network, whining and complaining and daring the media to cover a story that, were the de Blasios not so obsessed with it, would simply go away.
It started when Politicker.com reported that, in 1979, McCray penned a cover story in Essence magazine about her sexual orientation, unequivocally titled “I Am a Lesbian.’’ The piece not only described McCray’s lust for the ladies, but her disdain for the intimate company of men.
Can you get over that?
The couple attempted to spin the embarrassing revelation into political gold.
In the midst of a media blitz, de Blasio said, in answer to no particular question, that the pair today is in a “monogamous, committed relationship.’’ His wife wasn’t so sure.
Asked whether she was no longer a lesbian, McCray dodged and weaved on NY1: “I am married. I have two children. Sexuality is a fluid thing and it’s personal.
“I don’t even understand the question, quite frankly.’’
Unbowed, de Blasio purposely misrepresented a column, in which I explicity wrote that gayness was not an illness. “Lesbians don’t simply get cured, as if homosexuality were a temporary disease.’’
Calling my piece “shockingly ignorant’’ (I’ve been called worse), de Blasio replied in a letter, “Ms. Peyser seems to define those who are gay or lesbian as suffering from a ‘disease’ from which they ‘don’t simply get cured.’ ’’
Reaction to this strange and tangled tale has been . . . awkward.
The city’s powerful gay-rights groups have been forced to weigh de Blasio’s ultra-liberal politics against their core belief that sexuality is something to which we are born, not just a fashion statement one can change with the weather.
But politics seem to have trumped right and wrong. Gay groups have been totally silent.
An openly gay friend — and closet conservative — says he doesn’t buy that gays can change who they are.
“What’s so amazing is that she so clearly identified as gay, and now she’s revised,’’ said my pal. He added that de Blasio has found a foolproof way to shut up his critics, gay and straight.
“If you want to make a stand about this on principle, he will be quick to say you’re anti-gay,’’ said my pal. De Blasio wins.
“His visibility has gone up dramatically in the last week.’’
In truth, this tempest in a gay bar offers de Blasio a welcome distraction from the real issues of the 2013 mayoral campaign.
De Blasio is alone among his brethren to say that taxes should be raised on high-earning New Yorkers to finance pre-kindergarten, an idea that drew the ire of Mayor Bloomberg. He rightly said de Blasio would run folks out of town.
De Blasio, who is pathologically cuddly with labor unions, has supported a “living wage’’ and paid sick leave, which would crush small business. Lately, he’s apparently flip-flopped on his leftist tenets, presenting himself as the anti-tax, anti-fine friend of small business. Which one is it?
He seems destined, if elected, to be the weakest mayor since David Dinkins. But why talk issues when you can talk sex?
In this city, it’s safer.
Shattering Satmar secrecy
As Nechemya Weberman was hauled off in handcuffs, convicted of repeatedly and savagely sexually abusing a child, the Satmar sadist burned a rift into his secretive ultra-Orthodox Jewish sect.
Satmars are torn. A man tossed bleach Tuesday into the eyes of Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg, a staunch supporter of Weberman’s victim. Weberman worshippers sent a barrage of vicious e-mails, saying the man was railroaded by prosecutors. And me.
But on the Williamsburg street, it’s dawned on many folks that there is trouble in paradise.
“Thank God he was convicted!’’ a Satmar mother cried.
From age 12, the accuser, now 18, was sent by her school to counseling sessions with Weberman that devolved into sex. Weberman, 54, also maimed his own family, including loyal wife Chaya, who bore him 10 children.
“She’s not stupid,’’ the accuser told me. “She knows what’s going on. She had to protect him.’’
Hopefully, Satmar secrecy will never again shield a beast like Weberman.
A PSY & a shrug by O
Before he made “Gangnam Style’’ into a YouTube sensation, South Korean rapper PSY performed the metal song “Dear American’’ in 2004. It includes the lyrics “Kill those f–king Yankees who have been torturing Iraqi captives . . . Kill their daughters, mothers, daughters-in-law. Kill them all slowly and painfully.’’
Still, PSY shook hands with President Obama at the annual Christmas in Washington event last weekend. All was forgiven after he said, “I’m deeply sorry for how these lyrics could be interpreted.’’ Is there another way?
Next time, PSY, stay away.
Not so wonderful life
Thanks, Bloomy! Mayor Bloomberg announced that life expectancy in the city rose to 80.9 years for kids born in 2010, three years longer than when he took office.
The mayor applauded himself for banning unhealthy trans fats and indoor smoking, posting calorie counts on fast-food menus, and limiting the size of sugary drinks in restaurants. He also badgered women to breast-feed, installed hated bike lanes, and banned the sharing of germ-laden bar cheese.
But with all that extra time on our hands and nothing good to eat or drink, what will New Yorkers do for fun?
The big Hill chill for Andy
Gov. Cuomo won’t be getting any Christmas cards from Chappaqua. The gov, buzzed about as a 2016 presidential contender, refused to join fellow Democrats in urging Hillary Rodham Clinton to run for president.
“It’s a long way away,’’ Cuomo said on the Albany radio show of The Post’s Fred Dicker.
I can’t wait to see the mud fight between two type-A New Yorkers who want the same office.