If you grew up idolizing James Bond, Jason Bourne or Ethan Hunt but you’re not all that interested in indiscriminate violence, worry not because there are still top secret jobs out there that you might be perfect for.
From tracking down Russian spies like Anna Chapman to cleaning toilets you can’t tell your friends about, here are some of the oddest spy jobs out there today, according to Wired.com.
Cyber Counterterrorism Targeting Analyst, aka Twitter Stalker:
Take your online socializing skills to the extreme by combining “social media analysis (to include Twitter, Facebook and organic native language social media” with the FBI and Pentagon’s cybercrime center in order to create a “pattern of life study of the ‘target'” designated by your employer, Archimedes Global. Obviously, such a job isn’t for everyone so make sure you have five years of working experience and a top-secret security clearance before applying.
Do you have the skill required to train a solider like this one, who is standing watch as packages of marijuana burn in Tijuana, Mexico? (AP)
Counterintelligence Analyst, aka Russian Spy Catcher:
Your mission — should you choose to accept it — is “fully identifying the foreign intelligence and terrorist intelligence threats” against the Department of Defense. With your five to 10 years of experience, top-secret clearance and counter-intelligence polygraph test in hand, you’ll hobnob with other counter-spies from the Army, Navy, Air Force and State Department to catch enemies of the state, especially those coming from Russia like sultry spook Anna Chapman. Or those businessmen in Texas who bought cutting-edge microelectronics, which they sold to Russian spy agencies.
Instructors – Temp Projects in Mexico, aka Drug War Teacher:
One of the mysterious security contractors that, according to the Wall Street Journal, were used to protect CIA agents in Iraq, is looking for experienced agents from the “drug law enforcement and the counter-drug problem set” with “knowledge of Mexico/Central and South American drug trafficking activities” to spend two to five weeks in Mexico training unspecified people for “various projects.” As part of said unspecified training project, you’ll be writing intelligence summaries, graphics presentations and producing “targeting packets.” Whatever those are.
Custodial Services, aka A Licence to Clean:
With broom, mop and mandatory top-secret clearance, you’ll clean the halls of an unspecified building, for an unspecified annual salary, for unspecified hours, for a “Personified Confidential Client” in Northern Virginia. But don’t worry, whoever you’re working for has “Large Company Opportunities, Small Company Feel!”