Sex & Relationships

Welcome to sext ed

Technology has bestowed many gifts — online dictionaries, fantasy football sites and the ability to make obligatory family phone calls while walking to work. But when it comes to dating, the digital age has wreaked havoc on single women’s hearts and minds.

Texting, g-chatting, online dating, Facebook stalking: It’s all so confusing — and makes women all too accessible, which is not a good thing say Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors of the 1995 play-hard-to-get bible, “The Rules.” The crux of that much-maligned tome was to never, under any circumstances, chase a man: If you do, there’s no challenge. And guys, according to Fein and Schneider, like a challenge.

“Technology, it’s speeding everything up. It’s going too fast,” says Schneider.

“Today you can send out a text to 25 women: ‘Anyone available for a hookup on 19th Street?’ It’s not good for dating,” adds Fein.

Which is why they’ve updated their snag-a-stud stipulations in their latest book, “Not Your Mother’s Rules,” out Jan. 8.

The hip-to-the-click handbook considers all the tricky predicaments a modern, smartphone using woman is confronted with on a daily basis.

Just in time for the new year, here are 13 new rules for dating dames in the new tech-fueled world, followed by feedback from five guys — all former Meet Market participants.

The single (wise) guys

Thanassi, 32: Photographer

Neighborhood: Astoria

Looking for: “A girl who is not afraid to be funny, but cleans up nice, too.”

Malcolm, 21: personal trainer

Neighborhood: Woodside

Looking for: “Someone who goes to the gym a few times a week.”

Thatcher, 29: Entrepreneur

Neighborhood: Gramercy

Looking for: “A competitive girl who wouldn’t mind a date on the tennis court.”

Jamie, 28: Financial adviser

Neighborhood: SoHo

Looking for: “A girl who owns 50 pairs of heels, but rocks a football jersey.”

Tim, 26: Investment banker

Neighborhood: Murray Hill

Looking for: “A girl who will watch a University of Michigan football game.”

TEXTING

Take your sweet time texting back . . . like, a lot of time.

Like the immediacy of texting? Too bad. Fein and Schneider demand ladies wait at least four hours to answer a man’s first text (and up to 24 hours depending on your age).

“The older you are, the longer you should try to wait,” advises the book. “You can’t be expected to look at your phone all the time — or give the impression that you do.”

Thatcher says: “This is BS. Everyone is busy. Doesn’t matter whether I get a text back within a minute or an hour. The key is not bombarding someone with texts.”

Thanassi says: “Four hours? They could be busy or not into me. It could be both. I have been guilty of assuming they’re not interested or maybe they were busy or not into me at a time. You should give people the benefit of the doubt.”

Malcolm says: “If a girl got back to me after four hours with an LOL or a smiley face, I’m done with her and deleting her number. If I ask you how your day is going and four hours later you just say, ‘Good,’ you’re playing games. I’m sure your day was more than just, ‘Good.’ ”

Tim says: “I think we live in a day where most people have their phones on them at all times. Unless you are on a remote island, there is no reason someone should wait hours to text back. It would be obvious to the guy you read the text, but are waiting to respond.”

Jamie says: “If a girl takes hours to respond to my first text I get a little annoyed. I’m [usually] talking to a few different girls at any one time, and I’m probably going to be more interested in the one who seems engaged without being a psycho.”

Fool yourself, if you must.

If the temptation to text flirty messages to your crush is just too great, change his name in your phone to “DON’T DO IT!’ or “HE’LL THINK YOU’RE CLINGY!” (Yes, in all caps.)

Tim says: “I encourage any method that keeps someone from crossing over into stalker territory but make sure he never sees it.”

Don’t sext!

“If you are the one initiating sexts, you become the aggressor, showing a guy that you are not light and breezy and busy.” Rather, “you insinuate that you have nothing better to do than stand on your bed in a Victoria’s Secret push-up bra and thong and take photos.”

Malcolm says: “Wait until after you’ve had sex. I’ll do five hours of that kind of texting once we’ve had sex.”

Tim says: “Sexting leads to a certain kind of relationship that likely has a limited chance of lasting long term.”

Online dating

Keep your profile “short and sweet”

“Focus on surface items,” the book advises, providing the following sample dating profile:

“PrettyPublicist32: Blake Lively look-alike. I went to Georgetown U. and work as a beauty product publicist in NYC. When I am not working, I like to go running, biking, swimming, and to the movies. My favorite movie is ‘Titanic’ and my favorite TV show is ‘Law& Order.’ I like sushi and Italian food. I like going out to LA once a year. Looking for someone smart and athletic, with a good sense of humor.”

Thanassi says: “If my eyes are not digging you, this isn’t going to go any further. But I still get tired of reading the same short nonsense. If you like a certain indie-band or playing ‘Call of Duty’ — anything specific to a guy’s taste — that’s intriguing. We know all women love to hold hands.”

Jamie says: “Nothing is more frustrating than a girl with a bland, generic profile. Oh, you ‘like sushi, boozy brunches, going out on the weekend and quiet Friday nights curled up with a glass of wine?’ Great. Give me some fun facts and anecdotes. It can be something silly or fun — like half of the messages I receive from girls online reference a comment in my profile about my love of Topanga and ‘Boy Meets World.’ ”

Think not, wink not

“You should ignore winks, flirts and other similar actions on dating Web sites. These are when a guy clicks on your profile, but doesn’t write to you. It’s the equivalent of looking at you at a party, but not approaching you or speaking to you — in other words, a big nothing.”

Tim says: “If the guy isn’t willing to reach out to you, he isn’t worth your time.”

Jamie says: “I only have so much time to write funny, engaging messages to potential prospects. Sometimes it can be nice to know that, at least superficially, a girl has some interest in me before I write her.”

Ditch the pen pal

“If a guy has not asked you out within four e-mails, move on.”

Tim says: “I agree. If the guy wants to see you, he should ask.”

Facebook

Never friend a guy you really like first.

“He friends you,” says Fein. “Everything is about who noticed who first.”

Thatcher says: “It doesn’t matter who friends who first. My rule is, never add someone on Facebook who you are dating. I’d rather form an opinion about someone based on my experiences with them.”

Thanassi says: “I’ve flirted with girls who friended me first; there shouldn’t be a proper order. If someone says, ‘A girl friended me that means she likes me,’ that’s BS.”

Share as little as possible.

“Guys should have no idea what you are doing in between dates and who you are doing it with. Constant status updates take away all the mystery that is necessary to keep a relationship exciting!”

“Don’t update your status to read, ‘Oh no! Gloomy Monday!’ ” says Fein. “A new guy who just friended you and reads that is going to be like, ‘No, I don’t think so.’ ”

Tim says: “I agree. I don’t need to know you wish it were Friday, you’re sad ‘Gossip Girl’ wasn’t new this week, or you had an amazing omelette after your workout and laundry session.”

Jamie says: “I wouldn’t accept a girl’s friend request in the first place. You just met someone — why should they be able to stalk your photos from freshman-year spring break? If a girl friends me after the first date — or even worse, before we’ve even met — my Spidey sense starts to go off. If you happen to already be friends, I agree: the less info the better. Facebook has customizable privacy settings — use them!”

Untag, untag, untag!

“Untag any photos others have posted of you eating pizza in a friend’s basement. While they may bring back funny memories, think of how they appear out of context to a new guy. Do they make you look weird or boring?”

Thanassi says: “If there are too many nice photos, you’re putting on a front. A photo of you two being silly, eating pizza, or having a pillow fight, that’s cool, too.”

Malcolm says: “I wouldn’t judge if she’s eating pizza with her friends and she’s having a good time. Now, if it’s a picture of her on the floor a drunken mess, probably best untag those.”

Skype or Video chat

Always end the chat first

“The one with the most power is the one who says the least, usually,” says Schneider.

Which means no five-hour chats!

“The guy just gets bored. They get so filled up from [chat] messages, they don’t need anything else from you.”

“The Rules’” sample conversation-enders include: “My Pilates class start soon — have to go get ready” and the oldie but goodie; “My boss needs me . . . ”

Thanassi says: “I agree that if a woman ends things first, it brings a level of intrigue. But if you’re doing it on purpose as part of this rule manifesto and six months later you’re completely attached, it’s stupid.”

Don’t rely soley on Skype

“Unless he comes to see you every other week, he either has a girlfriend or is just not that interested.”

Malcolm says: “Skype is only cool if you need to show something in the moment.”

E-MAIL

Avoid it altogether.

“This medium lends itself to long-winded, diary-like dissertations . . . this form of communication is the kiss of death for a guy you are dating, especially in the first few months.”

Malcolm says: “I agree. The e-mail is a step down from Facebook and two steps down from a phone call. It’s going to take a lot longer for me to respond.”

Thanassi says: “I don’t want to be jamming away on a touch screen, when I have five minutes in my day to send an e-mail. I think it’s a nice way to get to know someone. We live in an age where we’ve been flirting on the computers. It’s an hors d’oeuvre for the first date.”

All of the above!

Never follow-up post-date.

After a date, the “Rules” gal is absolutely not, allowed to text, call or e-mail. “He’s either going to ask you out again because he thinks you’re pretty or not,” Schneider says.

Per the book: “You cannot remind him that you exist, If you text him without hearing from him first, you will prolong a relationship that may actually be over.”

“To text first is to initiate contact. He may feel flattered for a minute, but then he will feel bored and move on to the next girl he really wanted and texted first.”

Thatcher says: “Another dumb rule. I prefer a gal to text me after a date to say, ‘Thank you, I had a great time, blah blah blah.’ I think if the guy has to plan out a date and foot the bill, it’s the girl’s responsibility to show gratitude, especially if she did have a good time.”

Malcolm says: “If a girl immediately hits me after a date and says, ‘I had a great time,’ I’m going to think it’s smooth sailing from here. There’s more intrigue if she waits for me to follow up.”

Jamie says: “I really appreciate when a girl follows up [via text]. This is Manhattan — even just taking a girl out for casual drinks likely means I dropped $100 to hang out with someone who, while they might have potential, I don’t really know well at all. Obviously, no one wants to come across as desperate, so I’d hold off on professing excitement for an inevitable wedding till, you know, at least the second date.”

Additional reporting by Jozen Cummings