GRINDER, GENTLER: Sunday night’s return of “Downton Abbey” might require some class-system schooling. (
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We know you’re excited, about “Downton Abbey” opening up its doors again on Sunday.
1. What the hell do those titles mean anyway?
A noble is not directly related to a ruling monarch — that’s a royal.
“Noble” is a conferred-upon title. Nobles rank from knight and dame to duke and dutchess.
The big cheese of Downton Abbey, Lord Robert, is an earl, which means he’s smack in the middle of the nobility food chain.
2. Know your utensils
The importance of knowing your spoons can’t be stressed enough.
In Episode 3, the footman nearly gets the boot for not being able to tell the tea, egg, boullion, jam and grapefruit spoons apart. What a freaking oaf!
3. Who’s who the old lady mashup ?
In the olde days, old ladies weren’t cougars — but lionesses who didn’t take crap from nobody.
Lady Violet (aka the Dowager Countess)
The mother of Lord Robert knows that the word is mightier than the sword and wields her (s)words with deadly accuracy.
Isobel Crawley
Mother of Matthew, lord of the manor-in-waiting, is all about change, while Violet is all about tradition.
Martha Levinson
New this season, Shirley MacLaine is Lady Cora’s semi-brash American mother who comes for the wedding of her granddaughter, Lady Mary. Martha isn’t intimidated by the nobles because, for one thing, she’s richer than they are.
4. Ranking the ranks
TV servants ape their nobles — at least in keeping rank.
Upper staff begins with the butler (runs the whole house); housekeeper, (runs the female staff); cook (in charge of kitchen staff); and lady’s maid or valet (helps the swells get dressed).
Next are the first footman who often serves as the Lady’s “walker” on shopping trips and visits).
Then came the second footman (apprentice walker); chamber maids (cleaned bedrooms); and parlor maids (maintained and cleaned sitting rooms).
These “lower staff” were still however, above the stable hands and drivers.
But if a driver got really lucky like, say, in Branson’s case, he could end up running off with Lady Sybil and living on the lam as an Irish freedom fighter/pain in the ass.
5. Does Downton Abbey really exist?
Yup. Highclere Castle, built in the 19th century, is the setting and was passed down in 2001 to the Eighth Earl of Carnarvon and his wife, a former accountant.
Good thing too, because now they get their dough from tours and renting out the joint for fancy TV series.