CROWD SOURCING: This photo shows why auditioning for “American Idol” might be nerve-racking. Here’s what you don’t see on TV. (Fox)
Maybe there are only so many times you can watch the lame walk again, the blind see, and the nerd belt it out before it all becomes, well, tired.
We have come to expect “American Idol” to deliver miraculous, heartbreaking, up-from-impossible-odds stories on the season openers.
And when the new season opens next week you will, of course, get what you expect when it comes to the contestants.
There’s the stutterer who sings like a dream! There’s the heartwarming kid from the family that fosters sick children. And, of course, there’s the requisite, clueless Asian rapper from Queens. This year’s “She Bangs” without the bang for the buck.
And guess what? It all still works, and you’ll still laugh and cry.
But when Season 12 opens next week, it won’t really be about the newbie talent trying their best — it’s all about the newbie judges trying their hardest.
That would be, in descending order of good, Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey and Keith Urban. Randy too is back — this time in the roles of kindergarten teacher, referee and Dumbledore.
But it’s really Nicki’s show this year, judging from the first episodes.
Nicki knows how to be a character while being herself. Tough to do.
No matter how she dresses herself up like a human puppet, Nicki is funny, thoughtful and, most of all, she’s smart — whether she’s in character or not. She’s flat-out fun to watch.
Mariah? Not so much.
She seems to be stepping into the Britney Spears role of “You paid how much money for her?”
To her credit, Mariah is more centered than Britney and much more thoughtful.
Britney’s idea of a judging is her bizarre way of leaning forward in her seat and muttering “Very good into the microphone like Larry King. But Mariah delivers solid advice.
Is it funny or fun? Not yet.
Keith Urban, on the other hand, is the Ellen Degeneres of this season.
He’s there because country singers seem to dominate the winner’s platform of competition shows lately — and also, who else is married to Nicole Kidman?
So what about all the fireworks between Nicki and Mariah?
Nothing so far, but all that Fox sent out for review were auditions from NYC and Chicago. The diva dust-up, in which Nicki allegedly threatened Mariah with the always-classy, “If I had a gun I would shoot that bitch,” didn’t occur until Charlotte.
Will they air that threat, which flew around the Internet back in October like seagulls at a dump?
Probably not.
The last thing people want to see — post Sandy Hook and Aurora — is people threatening one another with guns on a family show.
“Hey, mommy! I want a wig and gun like Nicki!”
What there is this season is a sense that the new judges are really trying to make this show work.
Wouldn’t you with paychecks like theirs?
Mariah is earning a reported $18 million big ones, while Nicki is in second place at $12 million, with Keith running a far third with five million smaller ones.
So, are they all worth it?
Not sure, but what I know is, I miss Steven Tyler.