What do you do when you have a star who should be selling like hot cakes selling like lukewarm cakes?
Scream at the people who designed the poster!
I’m told there’s been some shouting matches over at SpotCo, one of Broadway’s leading advertising agencies, about the art for Nora Ephron’s “Lucky Guy,” starring Tom Hanks.
I walked by the Broadhurst the other day and studied the marquee, and I have to say it does look a little lame. Hanks’ name is in big, white letters, of course, but the title of the play is scribbled near the bottom of the marquee in what looks like red lipstick.
“Lucky Guy” is about newspaper columnist Mike McAlary, who never, I assure you, wore lipstick.
Here’s how one Broadway wag describes the artwork: “It looks like somebody climbed on a ladder in the middle of the night and spray-painted the marquee with graffiti.”
There’s a big photo of Hanks above the theater, but that’s been up for only a couple of weeks. You’d think the producers would have blanketed Times Square with photos of their superstar a long time ago.
(I’ll be opening a theatrical consulting booth in the lobby of the Edison Hotel next week, should anybody like to swing by and tap into my producerial expertise. My fee is $250 an hour — the cost of a premium ticket to “Lucky Guy”!)
The gold standard for advance sales for shows with major stars was set by Julia Roberts, Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig.
Jackman opened his sensational one-man show with $10 million in the bank. Roberts hit $10 million with “Three Days of Rain,” and Jackman and Craig had nearly $12 million on opening night of “A Steady Rain.”
(“Rain” may be the key here. My advice is to change the title to “Lucky Guy in a Raincoat.” That’ll be $250, thank you very much!)
The advance for “Lucky Guy” is about $4 million.
“That’s not bad for a play,” says a veteran producer. “But it doesn’t make it critic-proof, and if they don’t get good reviews, that advance will dry up quickly. When Julia, Hugh and Daniel opened, their shows were pretty much sold-out. That’s what you expect from a Hollywood star.”
Around Times Square, ticket brokers are complaining about the lack of buzz around Hanks and his play.
“They’ve got a major star, but you just don’t get the sense of any excitement,” said one.
Shubert Alley second-guessers say there are a number of things keeping a lid on Hanks’ sales.
First, movie stars have been flooding Broadway for several years now, so it’s becoming less newsworthy when yet another one turns up in Times Square.
Second, the shows with big stars this season have been disappointing, making theatergoers wary. Al Pacino sold well but his performance in “Glengarry Glen Ross” is a bust. Poor little Katie Holmes couldn’t sell a hot dog in Central Park, let alone a ticket to “Dead Accounts.”
Third, Roberts, Jackman and Craig were all at the height of their careers when they hit Broadway. Hanks’ heyday was in the ’80s and ’90s, so his luster has dimmed a bit.
Fourth, yes — the poster sucks.
I’m rooting for “Lucky Guy.” It’s the last thing the much-missed Nora Ephron wrote, and its subjects — newspapers and columnists — are near and dear to my heart.
So if the producers of “Lucky Guy” swing by my consulting booth, I’m going to give them a discount.
***
Being as modest and humble as Mahatma Gandhi, I don’t like to gloat. But — hoop-de-dingle! — I get results.
On Wednesday, the producers of “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” cut Ghost Skipper as well as most of the show tunes that were added by director Rob Ashford.
Since this was my idea, I will be listed in the Playbill as “co-director,” and my agent, Audrey Wood, will be negotiating my fee.
Ashford’s probably miffed, but he’ll live to fight another day. He’s directing Kenneth Branagh in “Macbeth” this summer in Manchester.
I bet he’ll have the witches sing “Defying Gravity.”