Entertainment

Vikings vs. Game of Thrones

Next week, the History channel begins a nine-part adventure epic called “Vikings,” which takes place in the Middle Ages, and features royal intrigue, swordplay, crows soaring through ominously grayish skies, and people somehow surviving before the invention of exfoliant. Sound familiar, “Game of Thrones” fans? Compare and contrast, class.

LOTHAR OF THE HILL PEOPLE-LIKE CHARACTER NAMES

‘Vikings’: Ragnar Lothbrok, Floki

‘Game of Thrones’: Tyrion Lannister, Daenerys Targaryen

CHILDHOOD ACTIVITY

‘Vikings’: Fighting with swords and shields; watching men get beheaded by axes.

‘Game of Thrones’: Fighting with bows and arrows, watching men get beheaded by swords.

GIRL POWER

‘Vikings’: Beautiful blond Lagertha burns attackers with a hot poker.

‘Game of Thrones’: Little boy can’t hit target with arrow — little girl hits bull’s eye from behind him.

TIMELY WISDOM

‘Vikings’: “Odin gave his eye to acquire knowledge.”

‘Game of Thrones’: “A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair.”

VIOLENCE

‘Vikings’: Series opens on dead and dying bodies, a sword plunging through a man’s torso, and a spear impaling another.

‘Game of Thrones’: Series opened with circle of severed limbs. It was all downhill from there.

FEMALE NUDITY

‘Vikings’: It’s basic cable. No boobs for you!

‘Game of Thrones’: Enough boobs for Seth MacFarlane to write 10 offensive songs about.

CREEPIEST LINE

‘Vikings’: “We know you’re all alone here. All the men are gone.” Filthy, rapey vagrants to Lagertha (just before she kicks their asses)

‘Game of Thrones’: “You have a woman’s body now.” — Viserys Targaryen to his sister (ewwww…), Daenerys, as he undresses her.

SURPRISING CAST CROSSOVER

‘Vikings’: Jessalyn Gilsig (Siggy), Will Schuester’s awful wife, Terri, on “Glee.”

‘Game of Thrones’: Iain Glen (Ser Jorah Mormont), Mary Crawley’s awful suitor, Sir Richard Carlisle, on “Downton Abbey.”

PUBLIC PUNISHMENT

‘Vikings’: Beheading at the town square, followed by a lovely buffet.

‘Game of Thrones’: Beheading in a cold, lonely field. BYOB.