“There once were two cats from Kilkenny.
Each thought that was one cat too many.
So they fought and they fit,
And they scratched and they bit,
And instead of two cats, there ain’t any!”
The anatomy of a same-team, on-air radio feud, Mike (Let’s Be Honest) Francsea vs. Craig (No Hitting Above the Belt) Carton:
1) Follow the Money (always Rule No. 1) — WFAN morning man Carton, in addition to being a professional agitator and often a self-serving and gratuitous insult-artist (another name-caller who is very sensitive to being called names), is the only host on the station given to ridiculing and attacking Francesa.
That stands to economic reason because his show, with Boomer Esiason, mostly for better but often for worse, does good ratings, sells lots of ads, makes money.
Same goes for Francesa’s afternoon drive show. Money and a lack of strong competition allow him to get away with his misanthropic treatment of callers and co-workers and his habitual mistreatment of facts.
For Carton to take shots at Francesa without money to wave at management would be to schedule his own exit interview. Remember: The bottom line is always the bottom line.
2) This latest on-air fight — Carton’s claim that Francesa on Tuesday gave his pal (real or imagined) Lawrence Taylor another free pass for having had sex with a minor who Taylor apparently thought was a board-certified prostitute — plus a caller’s claim that Francesa has excused “a pedophile” — Wednesday inspired Francesa to a long, soulful and incredibly disingenuous (or delusional) self-defense.
It sounded very convincing — provided one did as Francesa does and did: ignore both the facts and the truth.
a) Francesa claimed, “I wasn’t defending L.T.” True, but that wasn’t the point. By consistently ignoring and even dismissing Taylor’s criminality as insignificant, Francesa has
indulged
Taylor’s sustaining lawlessness.
b) Francesa characterized Taylor’s criminal behavior as “horrific.” Odd, he never came close to such a condemnation prior to Carton’s that-morning claim that Francesa has granted Taylor an unconditional pardon.
c) Francesa: “As anyone who listens to me knows, I’m not Joe Fan — the kind of guy who’s going to be protective of players or teams in any way. That’s not my style. That’s not my way.”
“Anyone who listens to him” knows that is, at worst, a lie, at best, totally untrue. The opposite is true. (For starters, see Jets, the Bill Parcells years; Alex Rodriguez, 2013).
d) Francesa: “From what I knew about the case, L.T. was not targeting a child.”
What he “knew about the case,” he at one point claimed, was what he had learned from his New Jersey law enforcement connections, working the case out of Ramapo, N.J.
Oopsie! There is no Ramapo, N.J. Taylor was busted in Ramapo, N.Y.
e) Francesa: “If you listen to the show, you know we do sports her. We don’t do guy talk and sex talk to get ratings.” Half true. Especially compared to “Boomer & Carton,” Francesa keeps it clean, above the crotch.
But his topics frequently have nothing to do with sports, but with Francesa’s many imagined fields of expertise, including the Beatles, meteorology, cinema, Connecticut sales taxes, average square footage of Long Island homes, the Middle East, U.S. presidential history and criminal law.
f) Francesa: “I’ve always done a classy show,” and “There’s a way people should be treated, and that is incredibly important to me.”
Well, by now you know how Francesa classily treats callers — like stink-soaked peons. He’s especially efficient at the quick elimination of callers who seem to know more than he and/or that he’s wrong and/or full of it.
g) He admitted, perhaps a first, that he does get some things wrong, “not a lot, but some things. It’s gonna happen.” Ugh.
“You got on me with the Sweeny thing [falling asleep with WFAN’s Sweeny Murti speaking to him via phone]. Fine, I took my medicine for that for months. I didn’t say a word.”
Again, not true. He flatly, regularly and humorlessly denied that what plainly was seen on YES was what happened.
3) Francesa wrapped it up by claiming that station management “and corporate” listened to Tuesday’s recording then cleared him of defending Taylor. “Go back and listen, then apologize.”
He talkin’ to us? Go back, listen, apologize? Us or Carton?
Ah, Francesa tapes. At WFAN they get lost, found, go unheard, lost, again. Funny, what happens to recordings of words first spoken to be heard. So, rather than take Francesa’s word for it — an act of blind/deaf faith that he regularly betrays — why not re-air those tapes?
For all the times he has spoken of Taylor after his 2010 arrest for rape — he pleaded guilty to sexual misconduct — I never heard Francesa even hint that Taylor’s conduct was “horrific” — not until Wednesday, after Carton called him out.
Then, again, nearly everything else Francesa so soulfully spoke on his behalf Wednesday could be proven abundantly false by the airing of tapes.
Mayock picks bad time for self-editing
In addition to his standard “You don’t want to put the football on the ground [fumble]” nonsense, NFLN’s Mike Mayock , during Jets-Patriots on Thursday, told us that Pats’ guard Marcus Cannon should have been drafted earlier “but had a disease that pushed people away from him.”
For all the senseless, needless details Mayock yammers, could he have been any more vague? Good grief, what kind of disease? These days that could be anything from dyspepsia to drug addiction, herpes to homicidal psychosis, Tweeter’s Thumb to trigger finger.
At TCU, Cannon was diagnosed with a non-Hodgkins lymphoma, a blood cancer. Mayock couldn’t have said that?
Announcers should get off “Get Off Field” mantra
West Coast reader David Distefano has identified the latest epidemic among football broadcasters: “Get Off The Field Syndrome.”
The goal of defenses is no longer to force a punt, it’s to “get off the field,” something, Distefano recalls, used to be hollered at drunks.
Now it’s demanded from teams’ defenses. Coach: “Now go out there and get off the field!”
YES’ Chen stat has no point of reference
Who’s your data?
Ken Singleton, during Yankees-Orioles on YES Thursday, noted that Baltimore starter Wei-Yin Chen “throws his fastball 68 percent of the time.” Fascinating. Then again, perhaps 68 percent of pitchers throw their fastball 68 percent of the time.
***
ESPN and NFLN now have reported that Geno Smith is the first Jets rookie to start at QB since Mark Sanchez. That Sanchez had been the Jets’ starting QB since he was a rookie … aw, never mind. Nurse!