Hondo would like to apologize to all those who have been building personal wealth this season by reversing his NFL selections. Surely they had to give some of their winnings back last week when Mr. Aitch posted a 10-6 record, including a 3-0 mark in Best Bets that left the basement all to Blezow.
No doubt Hondo will resume his losing ways this week. Or will he?
Seahawks over Giants: The Giants have nothing to play for, which is the way they have been playing all season, while the Seahawks still haven’t clinched playoff home field, which they will need for a return trip to MetLife in February. More Big Blue embarrassment looms.
Panthers over Jets: No less an authority than Toronto mayor Rob Ford says any talk of Gang Green getting to the playoffs is nothing but a pipe dream. Ford ought to know; he has one every night.
Falcons over Redskins: There’s a relatively obvious method to Mike Shanahan’s madness: Start Kirk Cousins and make owner Daniel Snyder cry uncle and give him $7 million to go away.
49ers over Bucs: The over-officious Roger Goodell has decreed there will be no tailgating at the Super Bowl at MetLife Stadium. You can have all the food and drink you want, but only in your car. And don’t forget to keep the laughter down; the commish wants to keep the fun to a minimum.
Titans over Cardinals: Goodell should have been in charge of establishing the rules at the Nelson Mandela memorial service. Then maybe Obama, long lauded by sycophants and his lap-dog media as “the smartest guy in the room,” might not have come off as the dumbest guy in the stadium.
Obama knew the cameras would be on him, but that didn’t stop him from giggling, flirting and taking selfies (or is it us-ies?) with Denmark’s Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt and British PM David Cameron. Sources say seething Michelle slipped between the President and Helle because she was worried the President looked like he was about to start twerking.
If looks could kill, Michelle would be facing a double-life sentence right about now.
Saints over Rams: According to emauler Ed Buckmir, Obama changed his usual message during his eulogy at the Mandela memorial service from the customary share the wealth to share the yuks.
From BarkingMut of SoBe: When ex-Prez Bill Clinton saw the blonde Danish leader with whom Obama took his selfie at the Mandela memorial, he remarked, “That Minister is Prime!”
Bubba also was overheard wondering aloud if Thorning-Schmidt brought any interns with her.
Bears over Browns: According to reports, the sign language interpreter at the memorial reportedly was a complete fake, but that’s not entirely true. At several points he was signing: “Knock it off, Barack, you’re at a memorial service for God’s sake!”
Texans over Colts: Hondo checked with Nancy Pelosi on this game and she advises everyone to “embrace the suck.”
Jaguars over Bills: If there was a Beef ‘O’Brady’s Bowl in the NFL, this would be it.
Dolphins over Patriots: Gisele titled the picture of her nursing her baby while getting her hair, nails and makeup done: “Multitasking.” She actually was accomplishing a fifth task at the same time: Praying for Tommy — specifically that the refs make another cheap pass interference call this week as they did in the final minutes against the Browns.
Eagles over Vikings: It is difficult to tell who’s more excited about Obama’s handshake with Raul Castro, the President’s media apologists or mayor-elect Bill de Blasio.
Hondo hears that at de Blasio’s inauguration, he will call for a moment of silence for the statue of Vladimir Lenin that was knocked over by protesters in the Ukraine.
Chiefs over Raiders: This ought to be an easy one for the Chiefs, unless referee Jeff Triplette gets assigned to the game and manages to screw up again (see Giants-Skins, Bengals-Colts, Orlando Brown’s career).
Packers over Cowboys: Jerry Jones gave out another vote of confidence, this time to the aged architect of his dreadful “D,” Monte Kiffin. Buoyed by the owner’s faith and desperate to improve the NFL’s worst defense, sources say Kiffin this week intends to try the 7-2-2 defense he learned from Amos Alonzo Stagg back in the ’90s — the 1890s.
Bengals over Steelers: If the Steelers win out and the Dolphins and Ravens lose out, then Pittsburgh is in the playoffs. Hondo’s first heir says there’s a better chance of Michelle Obama agreeing to a ménage a trois with Barack and the Prime Minister of Denmark.
Lions over Ravens: The de Blasios finally have decided to move into Gracie Mansion. That means the new man-of-the-people mayor, who campaigned on the promise of closing the book on the Tale of Two Cities, now has to be concerned with the Tale of Three Cities — the poor, the rich and those who live in $200 million Manhattan mansions.
BEST BETS: Saints, Eagles, Lions.
THURSDAY NIGHT: Broncos.