My passion for dresses started a long, long week ago.
Designing them, not wearing them — although I’ll never say never to anything.
Dresses do look pretty comfortable, although I think my calves are more appropriate for muumuus.
In case you are oblivious to what’s around you in this great city, Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week is here through Friday. This is the where pretty little models parade down long runways to the oohs! and aahs! of a breathless crowd.
“Oh my, look at that dress!” “Gee, her legs are so skinny!” “I wish I had that chassis!” are some of the comments you’ll hear — but not from me.
It’s kinda like when racehorses get walked around the paddock area so the bettors can see if they are lathered up.
This is the spring version of Fashion Week, although it might be a little confusing since spring itself isn’t here yet.
And the clothing displayed at spring Fashion Week is for the fall. If you want to see spring fashions, you would, of course, have to show up for fall Fashion Week.
In case that hasn’t confounded you enough, this year there is also a new clothing event in town called Launch NYC Fashion Week, which is for designers and clothing companies that can’t afford a Mercedes-Benz.
While I’m poking fun at the business, what isn’t funny is the $250 billion a year spent on fashion in the US every year, or the 4.2 million people the industry employs.
Really, who wouldn’t want to get involved in this sort of glamour!? I do, so I did.
Last week I teamed up with a young clothing designer and fashion illustrator, Caitlyn Carlisle, and created a new concept in dresses — the Inside/Out, Upside/Down Dress. Think about it: a dress that is not only reversible (inside/out) but can also be flipped over to get a completely different look.
The hemline becomes the neckline and the neckline the hemline.
Pull a few strings at the top when it’s upside down so you aren’t revealing too much, and you have four dresses in one.
Take a look at Caitlyn and my trademarked, patented, copyrighted, we’ll-shoot-you-if-you-steal-this-idea sketches that accompany this column. If you are a woman who travels, wouldn’t you want one of these?
Last week I told my idea to a couple of women I know and swore them to secrecy.
“With how much I travel and how hectic life is, this dress seems like something all New York women would love to have in their closet,” said a beautiful blonde I know who obviously has impeccable taste in clothing.
And gentlemen, Valentine’s Day is coming up. For the price of one dress, you will get credit for giving your lady a whole new wardrobe. Use the money you save for shots with the guys.
“And if you buy now, we’ll give you the second dress for free; just pay shipping and handling …”
OK, I promised myself that I wouldn’t joke about this, since several women I mentioned the idea to thought it was great.
And Caitlyn and I aren’t just going to have one dress in our line. Oh, no! We are going to make many, many dresses.
In fact this is going to be so popular that women will be reversing their dresses after lunch and flip-flopping them to go out at night.
How much is the Inside/Out, Upside/Down Dress going to cost? I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to discuss that at this point.
That’s what designers (like Caitlyn) and their partners (like me) are supposed to say when asked.
But first they’re supposed to stick their nose up in the air like they just smelled someone who hadn’t used deodorant for a few days and were trying to bloodhound the culprit.
A few years back I did a Fashion Week column that I consider a classic.
It ran Sept. 13, 2005 — yes, during fall Fashion Week — and had the headline: A Handy Guide to Fashion Week for the Average Slob.
In that column, I went around the designers’ runway shows and asked the price of things.
“Excuse me, how much will that mink-lined, beaded, battery-operated bra cost in the store?” I’d ask.
The answer was always the same. “I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to discuss that at this point.”
It was so frustrating that the next year I decided instead to cover doggy fashion week. And I borrowed a dog named Sydney so I could even participate in a show.
Well, I won’t even bother telling you how dog-eat-dog the fashion industry is.
But you never know, with the Inside/Out, Upside/Down Dress Caitlyn and I might just have stepped in it.