SEXIEST man alive — or the guy who dealt weed in college?
When Brad Pitt’s facial hair first appeared in the fall of 2008, we thought it was just a temporary thing. Maybe the guy got exhausted caring for his 48 kids and just didn’t have the energy to shave. It happens.
But now here we are, two years later, and the beard is not only still there, it’s gotten longer, grayer, scragglier and even more knotted.
At this point, you get the feeling he can’t shave it lest he displace the family of spiders living inside.
Pitt was once considered the hottest man in Hollywood.
Now he’s lucky Angelina Jolie doesn’t go running back to Billy Bob Thornton.
The actor is reportedly growing this topiary experiment for a role in the upcoming film “The Lost City of Z,” in which Pitt is tipped to play Col. Percy Harrison Fawcett, an early 20th-century explorer who went missing in the Amazon.
Fine.
But films have makeup departments, you know. Why grow the real thing and subject us to this national nightmare?
“Generally men grow beards to change their faces,” says Allan Peterkin, author of “One Thousand Beards: A Cultural History of Facial Hair.”
“Maybe he’s reached a point where he doesn’t want to be considered for his looks. He might want to put forth another face.”
Mission accomplished.
And the face he’s putting forth is that of Capt. Jack Sparrow.
Like Johnny Depp’s pirate, Pitt has been photographed with beads twisted into his goatee.
Michael Malbon, owner of Lower East Side barber Frank’s Chop Shop, says that Pitt’s scruffy look is in keeping with current trends, and that beards are especially popular during winter when the facial hair can offer some protection from the cold.
“It’s a good look for him — though I don’t know bout the beads,” Malbon says.
“With the guy he is, it just lets the world know that he’s free and wild and still young and doesn’t have to be all cleanshaven. He’s saying, ‘I’m chilling, I don’t need to conform to attitudes.’ ”
Kris Payne, who calls himself “premier” of the Gotham City Beardsman Alliance, says that even in beard growing, Pitt excels. Bastard.
“The hair grows in nice and even, which is something most of us can’t say for ourselves,” Payne says.
But the burning question for most people is, what does Angelina think of the scruff? She has yet to hold a press conference and break her silence, but we can make some educated guesses.
“There have been studies where women will be given pictures of men with and
without beards,” Peterkin says, “and they invariably rate the men with beards as more virile and more masculine.
“But,” Peterkin continues, “when asked if they want to kiss him or date him, the answer is no.”
See that, Brad? You just blew your chances with the ladies.
reed.tucker@nypost.com