Sports

Francesa offers no recall for Governor

The Emperor’s Same Old New Clothes: Every day Mike Francesa breaks fresh ground for public pomposity and dishonesty. That’s not easily done. But there’s no one like him. Anywhere.

Wednesday, his buddy-buddy guest was Gov. David Paterson. Ahh, the perfect opportunity for Fran-say-so, who openly admonishes his WFAN inferiors for failure to practice credible, forthright, accountable journalism, to have played the 2008 tape when Francesa and Chris Russo attacked Paterson in a lengthy spew.

They crushed Paterson, denigrated him as “a loser” and “a joke.” How, they asked, does such a poor excuse for a person ascend to such a position?

Francesa, before or after swapping pillow talk with Paterson, might have played for him that tape on Wednesday. The least he could do was quote from it. Fat chance.

What’s that? Another of those Francesa tapes that FAN seems to have misplaced; the dog ate it? No problem. It’s right there on BobsBlitz.com, a site that pays special attention to Francesa because he provides a rich, daily assortment of nationally transmitted know-it-all arrogance, rude dismissals of callers (especially those who know better than he), self-serving contradictions, relentless interruptions of guests, and untruths he imperiously states as facts.

Another site, mikefrancesa.com, carefully has tracked his NFL picks this season. And while no just-for-kicks picker should take himself so seriously that he would misrepresent his record, Francesa on Wednesday claimed to be 17-14, nothing special, but not bad.

But again, who cares? Apparently, Francesa.

With video and audio to back it, the site has Francesa at 14-15-5 — or even less than nothing special.

Yesterday, Francesa “hosted” new Hofstra hoops coach Mo Casera. But instead of allowing listeners to get to know Casera, Francesa granted Casera the opportunity to learn how much he, Front Row Francesa, knows basketball.

He not only repeatedly interrupted Casera, he told him what to think, how to think, and provided sage coaching counsel — while dropping names to let him know how many big-shot pals he has in the game. He even explained Hofstra, the school, to Casera.

Self-aggrandizements that none of us would have the gall to whisper in private, Francesa says on the air — without even shifting in his throne or raising his scepter.

Every day in every way, the same message: He’s a big shot, and you’re not. They even named a fish after him: the Perch. And a bird: the Giant Crow. The best hand is named in Francesa’s honor: the Royal Flush. And, of course, a holiday: Christmas.

NFL repackages lockout ticket plan as generous gift to fans

The NFL this week announced that in case of canceled games next season, it will offer refunds to ticket holders. Really? Only in an era loaded with scams and extortions would there be doubt. How nice. NFL teams will return ticket money to games not played. What a concept. Makes you wanna weep.

As for PSL purchasers, well, expect this: “We got you into this, and now you’re in it. Thanks for continuing to support your favorite team during these trying times. Redeem for one free beer (domestic, 6 ounces).”

* It’s as if the “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up” button is stuck “On.”

Sunday, after a tipped pass led to a Bears interception of a Michael Vick pass, FOX took a closeup of Vick while posting this graphic: “1st Interception Since Dec. 24, 2006.”

Wow, what a fantastic run for a starting NFL QB … unless, maybe, he happened to be in prison, or something, for a couple of years.

* Most college fans realize by the time they’re 14 that winning on the road is difficult, especially in places such as Arkansas.

CBS dispatched football expert, former Kansas State LB Craig Bolerjack, to call Saturday’s LSU-Arkansas game. He was under the clear misimpression that because LSU was ranked higher than Arkansas, Arkansas was in the process of winning in “an upset.”

Even if you didn’t know that Arkansas was a 3 1⁄2-point favorite, you can’t show up so unwise that you would several times tell a national audience something many know is not close to true. It’s not even a case of “You have to know better,” it’s a case of, “How could you not know better?”

Almighty gets blame

This week, it finally happened. A receiver, instead of pointing heavenward after scoring, pointed to God after dropping a TD. Bills WR Steve Johnson dropped what would have beaten the Steelers, then blamed God.

“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!,” he posted on Twitter, “AND THIS IS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!”

If God can be reached via Twitter, a lot of churches are going to become Sam’s Clubs.

Hey, Steve, for what it’s worth, God has been messing with the Bills for years.

* Yankees partner Steiner Collectibles this week, perhaps in anticipation of a clearance sale, began to sell Derek Jeter “game issued” cleats — that’s singular, one cleat at a time — in a shadow box that includes “game used dirt,” only $999.99. Of course, it includes a certificate of authenticity; don’t be silly.

* Good things come to those who wait. And wait. And wait.

ESPN this week ensured that “Sunday Night Baseball” will reach the level where sensible people won’t have to shudder at the prospect — the promise, really — of being driven pistachios by Joe Morgan’s protracted nonsense and by Jon Miller’s overly stylized — forced — calls.

In naming Dan Shulman its play-by-player, retaining Orel Hershiser and adding, for as long as he lasts, Bobby Valentine, even ESPN can’t possibly prevent, “One giant leap for mankind.”

Shtick-free Shulman and Valentine worked well together during ESPN Radio’s playoffs coverage.

As Mets manager, in 1998, Valentine ridiculed the sense-defying analysis of Morgan. Thirteen seasons later, he’s replacing him.

* Question of the Week: Reader Daryl Kessler asks whether the NFL chose not to suspend WR Andre Johnson for fighting on Sunday because the Texans’ top attraction otherwise would not have played last night, on the NFL’s very own TV network?

You bet, that’s a good question.