GUY STUFF – ENOUGH WITH THE GIRL GETAWAYS ALREADY – ALLEN SALKIN REPORTS THAT MEN WANT TO DO SOME BONDING OF THEIR OWN

LADIES, ‘scuse us for a sec, please. This story isn’t for you. Lads, on the other hand, listen up.

For half a decade we’ve been enduring the cloying girl getaway trend, in which hotels have lured our females away by touting weekends of pampering and female bonding. And don’t even ask about the wave of “Desperate Housewives” packages that have flooded America thanks to the popularity of ABC’s hit TV show. (One example? The Muse Hotel in Manhattan offers a “Don’t be Desperate” weekend that includes martinis and male strippers from $630 for two. Classy.)

Not to worry – the travel industry has figured out how we can win our weekends back: the Guy Getaway.

Motorcycle riding, gambling, steak eating, golfing and war re-enactments, here we come!

“I would always feel sorry for the guys on [girl] retreats who would hike up a mountain, get fed a salad, be led to a Yoga class and have a facial,” said John Landis, a former fitness instructor at the exclusive Aspen Club and Spa. “I said to myself, someone needs to toughen this up a little.”

That’s why Landis founded the Aspen Man Camp, a testosterone-fueled, mountain climbing, lumber-jackskills-teaching getaway in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Here, men ride motorcycles or Jeeps over the Continental Divide, raft down a river, feast on wild game and learn to rappel. (from $600/day; aspenmancamp.com; lodging is at the St. Regis Hotel, from $485, [888] 454-9005, or the Mountain Chalet Lodge, from $79, [800] 843-1579).

While it’s true that there’s nothing new about men heading to Vegas or going on camping outings, what is new is the catchy terminology and the ease of booking.

“Hotels are recognizing that this is a trend, and creating these deals to make things easier and more streamlined for guys,” said Debbie Kim, a spokesperson for the Inn on the Alameda in Santa Fe, N.M. (for its package, see below).

So if your significant other tells you she’s dipping into the family treasury for a girl getaway, tell her that’s fine, as long as she’s cool with you taking your own break. Just say, “Sweetness, I need some [insert your name here] time. Me and the boys are doing a getaway.” Then, get going.

Here, some favorites:

The Inn on the Alameda’s Guys Just Wanna Have Fun, Too package in Santa Fe, N.M., includes two nights accommodation, mountain bike rental, transportation to a trailhead to explore the Sangre de Cristo mountains, and a $40 dining certificate (from $290/pp for a shared double; inn-alameda.com).

For the Civil War Adventure Camp at the Pamplin Historical Park south of Richmond, Va., dudes are mustered in the army (Confederate or Union), issued uniforms, fire muskets, taught how to perform field surgery, fed authentic Civil War-era meals and bunked in huts ($70/night; civilwaradventurecamp.org).

Adventures Mountain River’s Guys on the Gauley is a men-only, one night camping trip on the Gauley River in central West Virginia. It comes with an after-dinner (dinner being steak) game of poker, camping alongside the Wood’s Ferry rapid, and a Sunday trip down the “Infamous Big Five” rapids ($292/pp; rafttoday.com).

Slightly less rugged is the Sea & Tee Men’s Package at Nantucket’s White Elephant, tailored for four men sharing a two-bedroom cottage. You get four days of sport fishing, golfing, locally brewed Cisco beer, and afternoon port and cheese (from $600/pp; whiteelephanthotel.com).

TICKER: GOOD TIMES: New Orleans’ first-ever Restaurant Month kicks off in August, with over 40 participating eateries.