Last December was not a good month for Courtney Mocio, 28, an insurance underwriter from Prospect Heights, Brooklyn. She was all set to spend the holidays with her British boyfriend at his family home in England — but on Dec. 12, he called her and told her not to come after all.
“He said, ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I need space. I want to be single again, and I don’t want to bring you into my family now if it’s going to end soon anyway,’ ” Mocio recalls.
She’s not the only one with a holiday breakup story. Lauren Panariello, 24, an assistant editor at Hearst magazines from Chelsea, was in an exclusive relationship a couple years ago with a cute investment banker — until right around Thanksgiving.
He had a friend come visit, but he introduced her to the friend as just “Lauren,” not “my girlfriend Lauren,” and after that, he simply stopped returning her calls and texts.
Finally, she found out through a mutual friend that he didn’t want anything serious during the holidays, but didn’t know how to tell her. “It was awful,” she remembers. “There I was, so excited to spend the holidays with him, and he obviously didn’t want to call anyone his girlfriend during Christmas and New Year’s.”
Lots of other New Yorkers share Panariello’s ex-boyfriend’s sentiments. In fact, according to dating and relationship experts, the desire to go solo during the mistletoe season is more common now than ever before. And that’s due to — what else? — social media.
“Facebook, Instagram, online dating — these things put more dating options right in front of you. So when people examine their relationships before the pressure-filled holidays, they’re more likely to want to split, because they’re constantly reminded of the other possibilities out there,” explains Emily Morse, dating and relationship expert and host of the Sex With Emily podcast and radio show.
So how do you know if you’re about to get dumped? There are many warning signs, say experts. First, your partner may start acting sketchy about making holiday plans with you.
“If you start getting ambiguous answers about seasonal stuff, like, ‘I’m not sure what my family is doing for Christmas yet,’ or, ‘I don’t know if I can bring a plus-one to my work party,’ that’s not good. Someone who truly wants to be with you will be excited about spending the holidays with you, and will get you on the books fast,” explains Christie Hartman, a dating and relationship expert and author of “Changing Your Game.”
Another, more sneaky way people skirt the holiday-plans issue is by feigning concern for your well-being as an excuse to not invite you to supposedly boring office parties and family gatherings.
“They make it look like they’re trying to protect you by letting you off the hook,” says Marni Battista, a dating and relationship expert and founder of datingwith
dignity.com. “Really, that’s their stealthy way of not including you.”
But, there can be a silver lining to holiday breakups. Steph Ramos, 26, a radio producer from Pompton Plains, NJ, once broke up with her four-year boyfriend right after Thanksgiving.
She says splitting during the merry months made the whole thing easier — not harder. “I had more parties to go to than usual,” she recalls. “I was able to surround myself with my supportive friends and family 24/7.”