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ATTORNEY: I AM A CROOK

Disgraced attorney Marc Dreier returned to his luxury East Side condo last night after pleading guilty to selling $700 million in phony promissory notes.

Manhattan federal Judge Jed Rakoff said he was bound by law to ignore his “repugnance” for the fraudster — who gets to celebrate his 59th birthday at home today — because “there is no likelihood” that Dreier would get past the armed guards keeping him in his $10 million pad.

“We rarely encounter a less appealing beneficiary of bail,” Rakoff said of Dreier, who remains free on $10 million bond.

Prosecutor Jonathan Streeter called it unfair for the fallen celebrity lawyer — who worked his scam at star-studded parties — to “continue to live rent free in a spectacular apartment bought with his victims’ money.”

But defense attorney Gerald Shargel claimed that Dreier was so broke that his son, a college student, was using his bar mitzvah money to purchase food for him.

Rakoff could hit Dreier with as many as 145 years in prison when the two next meet in court, at the July 13 sentence hearing.