Entertainment

DON’T BE CAUGHT ‘SPREAD’

ASHTON Kutcher has lots of boring simulated sex with fellow tabloid legend Anne Heche in David Macken zie’s “Spread,” a witless homage to “Shampoo” and “American Gigolo” that’s brain-dead on arrival.

Do all cliffside houses in Los Angeles look alike? Or does Heche — playing a 40-something agent, she is said to have taken Peter Bogdanovich’s old spread — live in the same one as Kevin Spacey in “Shrink” and about 20 other indie flicks?

Such questions — and fantasies about Mrs. Kutcher supervising her boy toy’s inventive sex scenes — are far more diverting than this slog through the tawdry life of Kutcher’s aging gigolo.

He contemplates giving up life as a kept man for a relationship with young woman (Margarita Levieva) who may be a bigger hustler than himself. But between Kutcher’s diffident performance and Jason Dean Hall’s glib script, it’s hard to care about a character described by Heche as “six inches and a pretty face.”

Running time: 97 minutes. Rated R (graphic sex, nudity, profanity). At the Empire and Loews Village.