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Smooth and sexy GOPers are now ‘red’ hot

Marco Rubio (AP)

Michele Bachmann (Getty Images)

Is it warm in here? No. A Republican just walked into the room.

On election night, left-lean ing CNN talker Wolf Blitzer ripped the curtain off a political revolution of which few humans dared speak — until now.

The Year of the Babe.

Jaws dropped from here to Sarasota as Blitzer revealed the man-crush he’s secretly harbored for Marco Rubio, newly elected senator from Florida. A Republican — and undisputed hottie.

Blitzer pantingly called Rubio “a very attractive and impressive young man,” thereby cementing the immutable connection between fine appearance and impressive future. Between political success and washboard abs.

Which begs a social and political question now ripping at the bodice of the political landscape: Are conservatives not just fiercer and smarter than liberals, but better-looking?

Are tight hips and gym bods keeping American voters warm at night? Or is the taxpayer getting turned on by the sound of the three hottest words ever uttered by a pol: “Let’s repeal ObamaCare.”

From the front page of the normally lefty New York Times, which featured a gruesome photo of a tired, bloated and unshaven President Obama, to the victory parties that resembled runways among Republicans from South Carolina to Minnesota, it’s clear that liberal politics is so 2008.

Today, tax-cutters who wield lip liner as skillfully as budget-slashing red pens trump spendthrift lefties in baggy pants. No longer does personal sacrifice and public service equal the failure to shave one’s legs.

“I really think that the turning point came when Scott Brown was elected — not despite his nude pictures in Cosmo, but because of them,” said Politics Daily columnist Walter Shapiro.

“It is the feminist model. The idea that you can do it all. That Sarah Palin can moose-hunt, dominate the Republican Party and tweet at the same time.” While looking good.

Political humorist Ellen Karis is blown away by the concept of Republican “superwomen” who bear “tons” of kids, win elective office and still take time to apply mascara.

On Nov. 2, Chris Matthews was vicious to smoking Michele Bachmann, newly elected Republican representative from Minnesota, repeatedly badgering, “Are you in a trance? Are you hypnotized?”

“She gave it to him right back,” enthused Karis. “These women, not only are they beautiful, I don’t know how they stay so contained.”

Nikki Haley — newly elected, and hot, Republican South Carolina governor — “and Marco Rubio — how adorable is that guy? They have a very clear and concise message,” Karis said. “They always hark back to the Constitution. They know their history and the issues. They haven’t been bought.”

At 38, babelicious Kristi Noem, a Republican elected to the House from South Dakota, looks after three kids and a husband on her way to assuming office. “I barely have time to drop off my dry cleaning, let alone do wash,” said Karis.

Andrew Cuomo, a Democrat, is more centrist than the usual New York pol, driving one observer to note that “only in New York could he be considered to the right of anything.”

Yet Dan Bova, executive editor of Maxim, is something of an expert on hottitude. He thinks Andy’s got it.

“Finally, some man-candy in the New York governor’s mansion!” he said. “Fingers crossed, Sandra Lee unwraps that pre-made slice of sexy on her semi-homemade cooking show.”

Time will tell if Cuomo retains that conservative heat. Or falls into plain and practical liberalism.

GOETZ IS GUNNING FOR FIDO

Bernhard Goetz will forever be known as The Subway Vigilante. But the Bernie I know is a misunderstood soul who rescues wild squirrels from certain death in city parks. Which is why he contacted me.

Bernie learned that a German shepherd is killing critters in Washington Square Park under the approving eye of its owner. No fear. Bernie’s on the case!

“People tell me about injured squirrels, and I help them,” said the nebbish who, in 1984, channeled his inner Dirty Harry and shot and wounded four youths confronting him on the subway.

Acquitted of attempted murder, he served eight months for gun possession, then vanished — until 1999, when the electronics expert re-emerged as the Squirrel Vigilante, offering a $1,000 reward for the return of an injured rodent he called Sweetheart. Bernie ran for mayor in 2001 and public advocate in 2005, on a platform that pushed the consumption of vegetables and frowned on circumcision — “a tradition as backward as burning witches.”

Now, it’s all squirrels, all the time.

“Mostly, I work Union Square Park and Peter Cooper Village,” said Bernie, who turned 63 yesterday but remains as slim and squirmy as 25 years ago. He figures he’s nursed some 50 squirrels to health. “But a dog owner like this — this is the worst I’ve heard.”

Bernie wants your help catching the offender.

The Parks Department is on the lookout for squirrel-killing Fidos. “It may be natural, but our hope is that dogs don’t chase squirrels,” said a source, who noted that dog owners may be fined.

You’ve gotta love varmints. Bernie, too.

Return of Windbag

MSNBC suspended thin-skinned lefty big mouth Keith Olbermann after he made donations to three Democrats — paying one candidate on the very day he appeared on his show.

But executives at the ultraliberal network think two days is all the penance Olbermann needs, so he’ll be back tomorrow evening.

Hopefully, he’ll bring back his “Worst Person in the World.”

In one of the proudest moments of my journalistic career, I joined an impressive list of conservatives as Olbermann’s worst person on planet Earth — a segment he curiously suspended last week.

This, after I reported, accurately, that I heard Olbermann whine about Bill O’Reilly trouncing him in the ratings.

Bubba goes ‘gangsta’

Crime paid handsomely for one famous rapper.

Convicted on a gun charge in New York and currently on probation in Arizona for drugs, rapper Lil Wayne walked out of Rikers last week a rich man — with a new hit record and a shout-out from Bill Clinton.

“This guy’s smart. And he’s got abilities. And he’s got a new chance now,” the ex-prez gushed.

Don’t knock the value of gangsta cred.


Cy time to act

It goes against the grain. But Manhattan District Attorney Cy Vance Jr. has finally realized that his job description includes cracking down on subway crime.

A bunch of career bad guys — including a train-riding pickpocket and a cellphone snatcher — have lately received unusually high bail or tough sentences. Bravo.

Now, if only Cy could work the same magic on celebrity sleazebags.