There’s a professional baseball player who keeps hitting on me. He’s married; I’m a single mom. However, I’m tempted and, even more, my kid would love tickets to games. They’re World Series contenders, so it would be a pretty big deal to score seats. How far can I take this without going too far?
—Caroline, Brooklyn Heights
As my dear friend Ms. Kelly Cutrone once said: “We’re all hookers in one way or another.”
The fact that you would consider an intimate interaction with him for tickets to the game because your “son would really love them” is not a reason to go about pursuing a relationship with this guy. If your son asks how you got the tickets, you would be exposing him to a not-so-good example. While I totally get wanting to be able to give your kid the moon, you simply can’t do it at any cost. If this guy is really interested in you, the correct way to go about it would be to say something like, “I am attracted and interested in you, but you are married. I am a single mom and I can’t get involved with you now. If things don’t work out with your wife, give me a call.”
I have been in a similar situation, and I regret not saying this myself because of the people who were hurt, including me, as a result of the choices we made. I understand your position but, at the end of the day, you deserve to be in an exclusive, monogamous relationship with a guy who is available (in every sense).
You can get baseball tickets for less than $100. According to mlb.com, there are also steep discounts through the special ticket offers section for Family Game Night. While they may not be great seats, your son will get to go to a ballgame (which is all that matters to him) and you will not have compromised yourself.
As far as the athlete is concerned, I’m sure you’re not the first woman he’s hit on, and you won’t be the last. He doesn’t deserve you, and you would be the one getting hurt here! Big time, I bet. Move on and find yourself someone who deserves you.
I’m dating a guy I really like. We’re both in our 30s and ready for a serious relationship. We recently discussed our pasts and while I’m no angel, I was surprised to learn that he had had a quickie marriage back in his 20s. He had been with the woman for about three or four years, then they got married by a judge and filed for divorce a month later. Is this bomb drop too big to be anything but a red flag, or is the past left in the past?
—Jen, Boerum Hill
The important thing is that you both really like each other. My gut initially says that it’s something in his past and is insignificant. But for it to be truly insignificant, you would have to know the reason for the sudden divorce. I mean, if you’re with someone for three or four years, get married and a month later file for divorce, that can sound a little off. When you date someone for that long, you should be sure if that is the person you want to share the rest of your life with. I’m not certain if you know the reason for the sudden divorce, but it’s worth asking, to find out. If you’re going to put yourself out there and really fall for this guy, then he owes you a simple explanation.
If it was a Vegas sort of wedding with someone he knew for only a few weeks, then OK, I understand that. But since that’s not the case here, it’s up to him to get personal and open up to you with what it was that went wrong. From there, see how you feel emotionally and ask yourself if you can put that behind you or not. I suspect it was nothing. As you guys get closer, perhaps his mom or another family member could shed light on it so you will bereassured you have nothing to worry about.
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