I have a structured settlement, and I need cash now!
They still don’t know that the only ones left to fool are the foolish. Or they know, but don’t care.
Roger “It’s All About the Fans” Goodell made it clear this week that the NFL plans to add one or two more playoff games.
Come the day, Goodell likely will pitch it as a “reward” to fans, who then will be price-gouged to watch two or four more mediocre teams as the latest bare-minimum survivors of standard NFL regular-season carnage.
Goodell likely will pretend he is responding to great public sentiment when no such sentiment exists.
But the addition of a game or two provides the NFL the opportunity to annually guarantee all of its TV networks a playoff game. This year, only CBS, Fox and NBC had them. Add a game, and ESPN would have been in; add another, and the NFL can include its own NFL Network.
There’s no better way to extended self-enrichment than to make extra money-nice to TV, no matter how much the product suffers, no matter how insulting the standard stated reason: Fans, we love you! If “it’s all about the fans,” Saturday’s Colts-Patriots, would have started at 1 p.m., not 8:15.
BCS on-air buddies talk in code on ESPN
Consider that for the first 40 years of his career, Brent Musburger didn’t use the terms and expressions he did in Monday’s BCS Championship. He never did because the terms and expressions he used were clear and concise.
But in his transparent desire to sound ESPN-hip — to put the B and S in the BCS — Musburger chose to speak genuine gridiron gibberish.
Thus, rather than say that Auburn offensive tackle Greg Robinson will be an NFL draft pick, he said, “Robinson will play Sunday football.” Cool, huh?
Musburger is no less a show-boater than the kid who was called for taunting, nearly costing FSU the championship. He used to refer to linebackers as “linebackers,” as did everyone else who wanted to be clearly understood. Monday, as if in the spell of “Herbie” — Kirk Herbstreit, another endless code-talker — he referred to it as “the second level.”
Something as simple and concise as “first down”? That became “moving the chains.” And what for 40 years Musburger identified as a fumble, Monday became “he put the ball on the ground.”
The telecast sounded like a put-on, as if Musburger and Herbstreit were playing Top This. According to Herbstreit, receivers didn’t “get open,” they “got separation” or “leveraged the defense.” An open-field tackle became “you’ve got to tackle in space.”
What makes no sense to the sensible has become TV’s official language.
Dan Dierdorf, 43 years attached to the NFL as a Hall of Fame offensive lineman then broadcaster, wraps it up Saturday with CBS’ Colts-Patriots.
Dierdorf frustrated this viewer because he so often seemed on the verge of ripping into NFLers for absurd, extreme and often counter-productive selfish post-play demonstrations — things needed to be said, and loudly — yet he seemed to hold back or cut them short.
He often left the impression he wasn’t happy with what he was watching — and that was far more than standard broadcast booth panderers — but he never quite got there, as if such truths are best left unspoken. They’re risky, politically incorrect.
Aside from that, as of Sunday, the word “kudos” will be available. Dierdorf, who would give players and coaches “kudos” three, four times per telecast, had the exclusive rights.
Even with a frozen polar vortex, Mike Francesa produced another Lost Tapes Week.
Francesa: The Knicks would go 0-3 in Texas, and it’s time to dump Iman Shumpert. Result: Knicks go 2-1; Shumpert has career games — 56 points and superb D — back-to-back.
Francesa: Florida State will crush Auburn by at least two TDs. Result: FSU, 11-point favorite, pulls it out with 13 seconds left.
Francesa, early season: No way the Colts will finish better than 8-8! Result: At 12-5, they’re still alive!
Suns don’t need stars
The Suns will be in town vs. the Knicks on Monday. Interesting story, the Suns.
Under first-year coach Jeff Hornacek, the star-less, hopeless Suns were the consensus pick to finish last in the West.
Funny — and beautiful — thing about basketball, though, is that good team play can beat superior talent. It’s Knicks fans’ misfortune that their only season ticket-holder who doesn’t get this is Jimmy Dolan.
Before Thursday night, the Knicks, with the NBA’s second-highest payroll, were 12-22. The Suns, with the second-lowest payroll were 21-13.
The Suns try to play fast, full-court offense. There is no pecking order, no tacit mandate that the ball reach the highest-paid players. Seven Suns from a roster deep in never-heard-of-’ems average double figures, but none above 19. The Suns have no player near the top among any offensive leaders.
Imagine that.
Love that car ad during the BCS final, the one showing a flying Nissan landing on a train. The small-print underline warns, “Fantasy, do not attempt. Cars can’t jump on trains.”
How come half of Freehold, N.J., J.R. Smith’s hometown, knew Smith wasn’t worth the money or the trouble, but the Knicks didn’t?
Our man B.W. checks in with a goodie: James Lofton played wide receiver for the Bills in that playoff-record 32-point comeback win in 1993. Lofton called the second-biggest — the Colts from down 28, Saturday — on Westwood One Radio.