TV

‘Downton’ merchandise cheapens TV’s classiest show

I say, the most ghastly thing has happened at the beloved estate known to television viewers as “Downton Abbey.”

It’s turned into, well, there’s no other way to say it: a store.

The award-winning British Edwardian drama that has delighted viewers with romance, drama, costumes — and Maggie Smith’s priceless zingers — has devolved into a sort-of high-end mall of twee merchandise designed for its snob appeal.

For just $16.99 — a steal — you can order Downton Abbey Bordeaux, claret or blanc, and serve it at your next white-tie dinner party for 36. In your baronial dining room. Surrounded by portraits by Van Dyck.

You get the picture.

The advertising copy for this vintage reads, “When Mr. Carson pulled a bottle of wine from the cellar for Lord or Lady Grantham, one could be assured it was a fine French Bordeaux, the wine of choice amongst the British nobility in Edwardian England.”

Let’s back up to that last dependent clause: Amongst?

The fussy diction and the implication that you can live the “Downton Abbey” life in your fifth-floor Hells’s Kitchen walkup — or perhaps your Mill Basin McMansion — would be harmless and comical if the marketing wasn’t so pervasive. There are “Downton Abbey” teas (“The Grantham Blend”), Christmas decorations by Kurt Adler (a Highclere castle ornament), quilts, lip balm, puzzles, T-Shirts (“What is a weekend?”) and tote bags (“Free John Bates”).

Sadly, that’s only the beginning. Many, many television shows sell cheesy T-shirts and key rings emblazoned with logos, but “Abbey” always seemed a cut above such purely commercial ploys.

Perhaps executive producer Gareth Neame heard “Ka-ching!” every time Anna (Joanne Froggatt) helped Lady Mary (Michelle Dockery) fasten her own necklaces, because he has promised die-hard fans the full Downton: ‘We’ll be working across an entire range . . . From fashion, apparel and homeware and furniture to wallpapers, beauty products and stationary,” he told CNBC.

So, female fans can presumably wear a Lady Mary dropped waist, flapper-style dress to the office, have a cup of Grantham Blend tea at 4 p.m., skip the trip home in the barouche landau for a ride on the D train, and then curl up under a “Downton Abbey” quilt while reading “Behind the Scenes at Downton Abbey,” the latest “companion” volume to the series.

No one wants to rob the clever people at Carnival Films, which produces the show, of their day in the limelight — but this marketing maneuver exposes a hunger for cold, hard cash that has, frankly, replaced a higher calling for good storytelling, fine acting and a place in TV history.

Is it not enough that “Downton Abbey” is broadcast around the world, wins awards and has given careers to young actors and revived those of some of the best actors in the world?

Put down the Grantham blend and let’s get back to the show, whose fourth-season premieres in January — before success spoils “Downton Abbey.”