Larry Hagman with Linda Gray in the original series. (
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Sarah O’Brien (Siobhan Finneran), “Downton Abbey”: This lady’s maid doesn’t mind ruining a man’s reputation if it means her nephew gets a promotion. But she’s still just the help. (
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Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle),“Once Upon a Time”: The coward-turned-king never minds using his powers for another person — for a price. He’s even considering killing Henry to clear the path to reconciliation with his son. It’d take a tall tale to believe that a fairy villain could go toe-to-toe with the Texas oilman, though. (ABC)
King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson), “Game of Thrones”: The boy king orders beheadings for fun — even J.R. wouldn’t make a deal with this little devil. (
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Walter White (Bryan Cranston),“Breaking Bad”: The most likely to earn J.R.’s hat in the departments of treachery and cunning, but even with his recent displays of bravado, the formerly nebbishy science teacher would end up tongue-tied in a duel of words with the eldest Ewing brother. (
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Larry Hagman’s last episode of “Dallas” airs this week. The remake of the long-running CBS soap debuted last summer, and Hagman, who was in frail health, still had enough panache as J.R. Ewing, to win decent ratings for TNT. We pay tribute with a look back at his special brand of villainy.
* CAUSED his sister-in-law to lose her baby. By the beginning of Season 2, J.R. had plotted no fewer than three schemes to rid his family of sister-in-law Pam Barnes. But when she and Bobby got pregnant before J.R. and Sue Ellen could produce a Ewing heir, the older Ewing son was furious. He confronted Pam in the hayloft — because that’s where you go in Texas for family fights — and she ended up taking a tumble and miscarrying. J.R. denied causing her fall, but what do you think?
* CLAIMED his nemesis was gay. Before “Ellen,” “Will & Grace” and any other number of shows normalized gay characters on TV, homosexuality was a taboo subject that was referred to as a man or woman acting “unnatural.” And no Texas manly man wants to be seen with a guy who might be, gasp, gay. In 1978, being called gay was still a life-destroying assertion, especially if you were running for state Senate. J.R. lobbed the accusation at his nemesis, Cliff, but sister Pam tried to prove he wasn’t gay by telling J.R. about a past girlfriend. But J.R. tracked the woman down, and it turned out she had aborted Cliff’s child, so Cliff’s political aspirations remained sunk for a time.
* HAD his alcoholic pregnant wife committed to a sanitarium. By the end of the second season, J.R. had tortured and abused his beleaguered wife, Sue Ellen, right into the bottom of the bottle. But she was a mean drunk, and threatened to reveal his secret deals and lies to everyone —including the possibility that her baby’s daddy was Cliff. He had her committed to a sanitarium (he also sent her back during a season that turned out to be a dream).
* ANNOUNCED his brother’s engagement. On the surface, J.R. telling the Texas elite about Bobby’s engagement to Jenna at the Oil Baron’s Ball might seem like his worst offense was stealing his little brother’s thunder. But the only reason for the announcement was so J.R. could ruin Pam’s evening — and life — when she learned for the first time that the love of her life was marrying another woman.
* FAKED mental illness. The new series promised us that J.R. would be his usual wily self, and even though Hagman’s health was questionable from the start, J.R. was as devilish as ever. He even faked his own catatonic state — with faithful brother Bobby visiting him regularly, like the chump he’s always been — until J.R. was convinced that son, John Ross, could prove he was as ruthless and power-hungry as his daddy.
* PLOTTED to have his mother kidnapped. J.R. had made it pretty clear to his mama that he didn’t approve of her dating new guy Clayton, even though patriarch Jock had perished two years prior in a plane crash. To try to keep her from marrying Clayton, J.R. conspired with Clayton’s mentally unstable sister Jessica, who kidnapped Miss Ellie.
* BLACKMAILED his brother. Bobby and Pam wanted a child, so they tried to adopt Kristin’s baby, whom everyone thought was J.R.’s. To gain control of Ewing Oil, J.R. tried to force Bobby to turn over his shares in exchange for J.R. giving up his parental rights. (It then turned out that the elder Ewing wasn’t even the father.)
* MORTGAGED Southfork. The beloved Texas homestead was always sacred to the Ewing family, who all seemed to be happy to reside in a house that wasn’t nearly as big as it needed to be to hold that many adults. But not even patriarch Jock could forgive J.R. for mortgaging the ranch to finance an Asian oil well deal in Season 3. The old man chose to step in and take over Ewing Oil again, but only after Miss Ellie had to save the ranch with her own money.
* DESTROYED his younger brother’s family. In Season 2, Ewing black sheep Gary (then played by David Ackroyd) was discovered working at a Vegas hotel, where Bobby found him and reunited him with his wife Val and daughter Lucy. J.R., who ran Gary out of town years ago, tricked his younger brother into an embarrassingly bad business deal, leaving Gary to feel like a failure again. To escape his older brother, Gary and Val ditched Southfork — and their daughter Lucy — again.
* TOYED with niece Lucy’s heart. J.R. often tried to keep Lucy attached to men who didn’t love her, all in the name of business deals. The first guy turned out to be gay, and the second ended up being an ambitious lawyer whom J.R. could easily manipulate. J.R. ensured each engagement ended as soon as he got what he needed from them.
* TRIED to overthrow a government. After being shot, J.R. wanted to prove he was still man enough to run Ewing Oil, so he toppled a foreign government to get back a few oil fields. And despite a mountain of evidence — including a taped confession of guilt by J.R. and a trail of money he supplied to finance the coup — when the oilman was brought before the US Senate to answer for his crimes, he managed to beat the charges because bumbling nemesis Cliff was put in charge of any damning evidence.
* GOT shot. J.R. had been tormenting, blackmailing and double-crossing his family, friends, lovers and enemies for three long seasons, and someone had finally had enough. J.R. entered his office late at night to work on a few more machinations when an unseen person shot him. It produced the biggest cliffhanger in television history as everyone asked “Who shot J.R.?”
DALLAS
Monday, 9 p.m., TNT
Who’s gonna fill his shoes?
Here’s our list of TV suspects who might be villainous enough to don J.R.’s 10-gallon hat:
* Sarah O’Brien (Siobhan Finneran), “Downton Abbey”: This lady’s maid doesn’t mind ruining a man’s reputation if it means her nephew gets a promotion. But she’s still just the help.
* Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle),“Once Upon a Time”: The coward-turned-king never minds using his powers for another person — for a price. He’s even considering killing Henry to clear the path to reconciliation with his son. It’d take a tall tale to believe that a fairy villain could go toe-to-toe with the Texas oilman, though.
* King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson), “Game of Thrones”: The boy king orders beheadings for fun — even J.R. wouldn’t make a deal with this little devil.
* Walter White (Bryan Cranston),“Breaking Bad”: The most likely to earn J.R.’s hat in the departments of treachery and cunning, but even with his recent displays of bravado, the formerly nebbishy science teacher would end up tongue-tied in a duel of words with the eldest Ewing brother.
* Clay (Ron Perlman), “Sons of Anarchy”: Another top contender — he beats his wife, kills a couple of his best friends to hide shady deals, and orders hits on both stepson Jax and his wife — but it’s hard to fathom that J.R. wouldn’t simply buy the motorcycle man’s silence if he actually thought this guy had real power.
* Victoria Grayson (Madeleine Stowe), “Revenge”: If you really want to find the heir to J.R., you need look no further than the Hamptons. The Grayson matriarch has all the telltale signs of a long-lasting uber-villain: the loaded soapy siren can backstab, blackmail and push pregnant women off balconies with the meanest of the mean, but she also charms and reveals her (temporary) weaknesses to ensure the character has long-term anti-rooting power. — T.W.C.