Good news: North Korea’s wacko young leader has decided to spare New York from his grand plan to incinerate America — and will instead target Austin, Texas.
Kim Jong-Un yesterday ordered his missile units to prepare to strike the United States and “settle accounts” after American stealth bombers flew over South Korea.
State-run media showed his “US mainland strike plan,” a map that grandly depicts Korean missiles arching over the Pacific and landing on Hawaii, Los Angeles, Washington — and the “weird” Texas capital.
US analysts believe the longest-range Korean missile might get as far as Alaska on a good day — and that’s if it doesn’t blow up first, as so many of Pyongyang’s tests have done in embarrassing manner over the past decade.
Nevertheless, the White House said yesterday the United States can defend itself from the threat.
“We’ve made very clear that we have the capability and willingness to protect our interests and our allies,” deputy presidential press secretary Josh Earnest said.
Why Austin was on Kim’s hit list is unknown, but the Austin American-Statesman newspaper suggested he might be jealous of Rick Perry, the longest-serving Texas governor.
The newspaper ran a list of 10 reasons why Kim wants to blow up the state capital, among them:
“Angry at Rick Perry for also trying to serve lifetime term as Beloved Leader.”
Kim’s media said he put his missiles on standby at an overnight “emergency meeting” with top army commanders, hours after nuclear-capable US B-2 stealth bombers were deployed in ongoing US joint military drills with South Korea.
In the event of any “reckless” US provocation, North Korean forces should “mercilessly strike the US mainland,” the boyish ruler was quoted as saying by the official Korean Central News Agency.
Despite the long history of saber-rattling by North Korean despots, both China and Russia yesterday asked for all sides to cooperate to prevent the situation from getting out of control.
Early today, North Korea issued another belligerent threat, saying it has entered “a state of war” with South Korea.
But analysts say a full-scale conflict is extremely unlikely and the North’s threats are instead aimed at drawing Washington into talks that could result in aid and boost Kim’s image at home.
Pentagon brass said Kim’s bragging may have put him in a position where he has to at least seem to be carrying out his threats.
For example, North Korea has medium-range missiles — with a range of about 800 miles — that could reach US bases in Japan.
Or Kim could create a border incident, striking South Korean targets, which would allow him to score a propaganda victory at home and yet would not be serious enough to require a military response from the United States.
NY help for head case
Dear Kim Jong-Un: Time for a checkup from the neck up.
The good news? New York has a bevy of expert shrinks.
Take Doctor Eric Hollander, who specializes in “impulsive/aggressive-personality disorders.”
He’s right up your alley — especially since you became North Korea’s boyish “Supreme Leader” two years ago, and started showing symptoms of paranoia and megalomania.
But your latest threat — to blow up Austin, Texas, with imaginary long-range missiles and — show you really need to see the best psychiatrist in the world.
Probably more than one.
It’s time to make an appointment, Kim. Our offices are waiting to hear from you.
Shrink this, Kim
Here are four top psychiatrists, and their specialties from New York magazine’s Best Doctors list:
* Dr. Jonathan Silver
Brain injury
* Dr. DeborahMarin
Alzheimer’s Disease
* Dr. Dolores Malaspina
Schizophrenia, Mental illness
* Dr. William Breitbart
Cancer-related psychiatry