Call them Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Happy and Doc.
Bashful was not present.
And where was Sleazy? Anthony Weiner, tragically, was not invited.
We schlepped to the West Side last night to see five men and a lady who want to be mayor. That’s five dwarves, plus the giant Public Advocate Bill de Blasio.
Six scary liberals who pledged, before our eyes, to run this city — straight into the ground — took the stage at John Jay College of Criminal Justice for the first New York City Democratic mayoral candidates’ debate.
As I closed my eyes to fight off sleep, a challenge as tough as dodging bikes in Times Square, for the life of me, I could barely tell them apart.
Standing as tall as a giraffe among pygmies, Grumpy de Blasio has got to be the scariest far-lefty running.
Except, maybe, for Dopey Comptroller John Liu.
And Sneezy Council Speaker Christine Quinn.
And the rest of the lefty jokers, egotists and cartoon characters poised and ready to take this great city — a town that a little more than two decades ago was compared unfavorably to Calcutta — and turn back the clock to the bad old days.
All the candidates — surprise! — are opposed to terrorism. Nobody likes domestic violence.
It was wet kisses all around. Until, that is, the collection of misfits started talking about a frightening harbinger of bad days to come: the candidates’ near-universal opposition to the “overuse’’ of the effective police tactic of stop-and-frisk.
De Blasio got off the loudest shot against the police and their method of stopping, questioning and frisking suspicious characters. He called it “illegal.’’ I suspect hugging hoodlums is a better option.
Not to be outdone, Liu jumped, figuratively, all over Quinn when she called the police tactic “stop, question and frisk.’’
“That’s political correctness!’’ he fumed. “Stop-and-frisk is the biggest use of racial profiling in the United States of America.’’
Mmkay.
As has become the norm in debates, the man who lacks a snowman’s chance in Tahiti got off the best lines. (I miss the “Rent is Too Damn High” guy, who now wants to be mayor, too.)
Happy Erick Salgado, the little-known pastor of the Church of Iglesia Jovenes Cristianos in Staten Island, performed a pantomime, raising his hands to imaginary cops who, he said, once stopped his car.
“I’m running for mayor!’’ Salgado protested to the invisible cop. “Shut up and get in the car!’’ the cop responded, as channeled by Salgado. “He frisked me!’’
Doc, former Councilman Sal Albanese, announced, to no question in particular, “I want to legalize, tax and regulate marijuana!’’ That would either free up cops, or mellow out criminals.
“Maybe I ask Rudy Giuliani to be my police commissioner?’’ Salgado said, although no one was asking.
To that, sleepy former Comptroller Bill Thompson woke up: “I oppose Rudy Giuliani as police commissioner of the City of New York.’’
Sadly, the city’s best and brightest Democrats are sitting out this race.
This is the best we’ve got.