Business

Yankee game on the cheap: an unofficial guide

The Yankees’ battle with StubHub is thankfully over. Neither side will give details, but the team claims the deal will benefit its fans.

If the Yanks really want to help fans, then the team should require them to read this column.

I started reporting more than a year ago that the Yanks and StubHub had a falling out because the team thought tickets for its games were being re-sold too cheaply on the StubHub’s website.

This probably won’t come as a shock, but people who can afford season tickets have other things to do besides attending more than 80 home games. So they unload their seats for less desirable games for whatever they can get, and usually use the Internet to do so.

I’m now going to tell you how a family of four can see a Yankees game for less than $100; not the $337 that a professional survey organization recently gave as the cost.

The team can put this column on its website if it really is thinking about fans, although I really don’t expect that to happen.

1. Buy a seat on StubHub for a weekday or other non-premium game. Tell the kids they can take the next day off from school and they won’t care that the opponent is Kansas City.

I recently got upper-deck seats for $4 each, plus a $3 StubHub fee. Tickets for tonight’s game are selling for as little as $8 online.

Total price for four: $28.

2. Grab sodas and waters from vendors outside the stadium for $1 apiece. Go ahead, splurge. Let everyone buy two.

The Yankees will let you bring plastic bottles into the stadium if the cap hasn’t been opened. Better yet, buy drinks at the supermarket for less.

Total: $8 or less.

3. The team is also inexplicably generous by allowing fans to bring their own food into the stadium. And that’s good because hot dogs inside cost at least $6.

Convince the kids that six-inch heroes from Subway are the way to go. There’s a Subway store right down the block from the Yankee Stadium; McDonald’s is even closer.

Total price for four sandwiches: $24.

4. There’s also a dollar store where you can get cheap junk food right under the subway trestle across from the stadium. Give the kids five bucks each and they’ll get sicker on snacks than they could ever dream of.

Junk food at the stadium will cost you at least five times as much.

Total for three kids: $15.

5. Skip the souvenirs. They are expensive inside and outside the stadium. Tell the kids they will probably catch a foul ball and that’ll be their souvenir.

They won’t catch a ball, of course. They’ll have a better chance of snagging an asteroid where you’ll be sitting. When the kids don’t have a ball by the ninth inning, they will be too tired to complain.

If they still insist, get yourself some new kids.

That adds up to $75. Transportation will set you back about $20, around the same for parking (if you look carefully) as taking the train. That should leave you almost enough to get a beer, which can’t be brought from outside the stadium and is $9.75 inside.

Don’t worry that you are slightly over budget.

You’ll deserve that beer just for taking the kids to the game.

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The people responsible for the fake tweet on Tuesday that sent the markets into a spiral did you a big favor. You now have a better understanding of just how quickly stock prices can collapse — and the cause of the collapse doesn’t even have to be reasonable.

In case you were busy doing something unimportant like, say, earning a living, Syrian hackers broke into the Associated Press’ Twitter account and announced to the world: “two explosions in the White House and Barack Obama is injured.”

Did anyone hear an explosion? Were emergency vehicles rushing to the White House?

No. But professional investors with their fingers on computers couldn’t bother waiting for a confirmation or debunking of the story. The Dow Jones industrial average fell 146 points in seconds, erasing $42 billion in assets.

AP quickly denied that the story was legitimate, and the market rose again. But this was a good test case of just how crazy this market is going to be when it finally does retreat.

What’s the likely cause of the next big stock market panic?

Probably something about how badly the economy is doing.

Yesterday, for instance, new orders for durable goods in March were reported to be very weak. Eventually the weight of all the recent bad recent economic news will probably be the thing that makes the market crater.

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The news just keeps getting worse and worse! Fewer women are going to wear bikinis this summer.

A study of 2,321 women by CouponCodes4u.com found that only 18 percent of those who planned to go to the beach this summer are going to wear the skimpy things.

Another 29 percent planned to wear a “tankini.” I had to ask what the heck that was, and I’m told it is a modest tank top sort of thing with a separate bottom that was invented to make men look the other way.

A majority of the women — 53 percent — said they will be wearing a one-piece swimsuit. I’m just wondering which is the one piece: the top or the bottom?

john.crudele@nypost.com